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What you are feeling is rage, which is response we often have to seeing victims of abuse give their abusers multiple chances, but what we don’t understand is the psychology behind why they do.
It typically takes a victim 7 times to leave before staying away for good. https://twitter.com/mystiquesynn/status/1336069182287474698
It typically takes a victim 7 times to leave before staying away for good. https://twitter.com/mystiquesynn/status/1336069182287474698
There are a lot of reasons why people remain in a abusive relationships, the first more foremost reason is fear. Leaving is the most unsafe time for the victim, and after experiencing repeated violence, they are convinced that their abuser is powerful enough to do anything.
We have seen many times when an abuser doesn’t only just fatally harm their spouse, they also harm their children and their extended family. That fear the abuser wields, keeps many victims too afraid to leave because they believe the threats being made.
Also we have to factor who the victim has supporting them. For women in abusive marriages, there is ALOT of pressure, especially in more conservative societies, for women to reconcile with their spouses. DV is seen as a “family issue” that can be solved. This is the case here.
She is under pressure from the governor of her state and his wife, from people pleading on behalf of her husband, and in society where forgiveness is considered a virtue, especially as a religious woman, she most likely will fold under it.
She doesn’t want to appear wicked.
She doesn’t want to appear wicked.
Are we really going to pretend that Nigerian society does not turn against women who leave their marriages? People tell stories about how the man begged and begged, and she still refused...indicating that she was unforgiving, which makes her just as bad as the man who abused her.
Also she has kids and there is a legitimate fear that their father will no longer be in their lives if she leaves him. Many times, abusive husbands abandon their families after their wives leave & fear of being the sole caretaker, especially financially keeps women there.
Rather than blaming the victim, read up all the many reasons that victims remain in these relationships. Mental abuse is debilitating and it affects how capable you feel, and affects your self esteem so much that you feel completely powerless next to your abuser. They feel broken
They are depressed, and they have low self esteem, they hate themselves for how weak they feel, and start to believe they must deserve their abuse since they cannot break away from it like “normal people”.
You are not helping by insisting that they are enabling their own abuse.
You are not helping by insisting that they are enabling their own abuse.
The only person to blame is the person abusing them.
Please read up on abuse, so you are not on social media recklessly siding with abusers and affirming them by suggesting that their victims WANT to be abused. That helps abusers feel better, and does not help victims at all.
Please read up on abuse, so you are not on social media recklessly siding with abusers and affirming them by suggesting that their victims WANT to be abused. That helps abusers feel better, and does not help victims at all.