Feelings of rapture and joy overcome me from time to time. These can be almost mystical in their transcendence. Moments of almost complete happiness, and an intense love for life.
#autism
#AutisticJoy
#AllAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
1/
At the heart of these intensely joyful moments there’s some sort of deep connection. It might be with a person, animal, place, idea, emotion or sensation. Happiness flows through me suddenly, magically, fleetingly. I’m alive with an ecstatic kind of love.
#autism
#autistic
2/
I first experienced this intense joy in early childhood, lying facedown in meadow grass looking at insects through a magnifying tube. As they grew I shrank, until I was part of their magical hidden world, teeming with colour and life.
#nature
#AllAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
3/
Discovering things through learning also gave me deep joy. The magical moment when an equation made sense, a pattern became clear, or cause and effect connected. Facts filled me with awe. I was enthralled by education and the insights it gave me.
#autism
#autistic
#knowledge
4/
The simple act of mending something could be joyful too. The moment when a new component clicked into place, the water started flowing, or an engine stuttered into life. The connection was made and it worked again. Who ever imagined doing repairs could be so blissful?
#autism
5/
I wasn’t sporty but there were a few perfect moments when a netball slid effortlessly into a goal or a snooker ball ricocheted into a pocket. It was deeply joyful being skilful. There was a frisson of this if a crumpled piece of paper landed straight in the bin. So satisfying.
6/
The photographs and videos on my phone reflect my intense love for colours, patterns and shapes found in nature. The images I captured had already captured me. Swirling water, tessellated leaves, illuminating sunsets. My mind is a memory bank of images and sensations.
#autism
7/
Intense feelings of happiness were sometimes found in solitude but could also flow from companionship. Being completely in tune with another human or animal was an utterly joyful experience. It often didn’t rely on anything being said or done. Somehow we were just ‘simpatico’.
8/
Creating something often filled me with intense joy. Lifting a sheet of paper from an inky tank of water, revealing psychedelic marbled swirls. Writing a line of code and watching a snowflake drift down a screen. Magical, transformatory moments.
#autism
#autistic
#AllAutistics
9/
I was sometimes searching for a missing link, the answer to a question, a precious thing I thought I’d lost. Finding it made things seem right again, restored a sense of order and completeness. This created a harmonious kind of joy.
#autism
#autistic
#wellbeing
#AllAutistics
10/
Sometimes the source of joy was unclear because it radiated out and illuminated everything. I once thought joy relied on being with another person, instead it was firmly rooted in myself. Relationships might intensify joy, but it still belonged to me.
#love
#autism
#autistic
11/
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