Thread by @ZenMeoww, I discovered something a couple years ago during a guided mindfulness meditation [...]

I discovered something a couple years ago during a guided mindfulness meditation on chronic pain

**I'm aware this is very controversial for us especially if neurodivergent so please know I'm not pushing ANYTHING on you at all, I'm just talking about my experience.**

I actually stopped mindfulness meditation for awhile because of the anxiety that it was bringing. I'm back to it now though and feel the relief it once brought. I actually meditated over 900 days in a row a couple years ago.

BUT I did some meditations where you focus on the pain

which the point of this is exactly what it sounds like, most of the time we want to immediately distract from the pain for obvious reasons.

and it's NOT intended to heal or cure pain, life doesn't work that way.

it's just to examine your relationship with it and to observe it.

**again, this can bring panic attacks for those that feel very anxious during body scan meditations.**

personally, I use that time to just see what's hurting that day. I try to not get mentally or emotionally caught up, but we can't always control that.

I just let my brain ~do~

during the meditation the teacher asks you to locate the pain. and to almost visualize what it could look like. mine looked almost like a weather radar map lol which is ironic

but the red hot center (the middle of the storm and the pain) eventually came to my attention over time

and of course I felt anxious, restless. sometimes sad. that's okay. meditation isn't intended to make thoughts or feelings go away

at that time, I was able to just watch the anxiety. think of it as a healthier disassociation which is also funny (if you're familiar with Buddhism)

(as that's a common criticism of meditation. Pema Chödrön speaks on this way better than I ever could)

point being, something I took from it is I realized those "hot spots" were where a lot of my pain was "rooting" from or spreading out from there

mostly my neck/shoulders, hips

I normally felt (and still sometimes feel) like everything just hurts equally all over because everything f*cking hurts. and everything does hurt! I'm not gaslighting myself or you (if you read this far).

so it was interesting that it "radiated" from certain spots, outwards.

now this next part: CW / TW : trauma , chronic pain , trauma healing , abuse healing , trauma recovery

I decided to reread The Body Keeps Score. which I HIGHLY recommend.

and interestingly enough, trauma manifests in the body where some of these spots are. stay with me though..

I'm NOT saying that healing trauma takes chronic pain away. I mean, maybe it could? but I have a genetic disorder like lots of you. so it's doubtful.

the locations where trauma "lives" in the body has been supported by neuroscience, neurobiology, and neurobehavioral research btw

it's not just pop-pysch or pseudoscience although it's interesting in the ways it overlaps with some traditional Eastern medicine and their ideas about trauma and pain

I am still working on my trauma! and I have chronic pain (in those spots and all over) everyday. that's life

so I swear I'm not selling you literally anything lol no one cares to sponsor anything I say and I didn't even mention the meditation instructor.

mostly, I'm telling this because it was really powerful for me when learning about my mind/body connection, mindfulness, trauma, etc.

I completely understand if mindfulness meditation is NOT for you

I do wish more therapists, teachers, etc. taught about the other NUMEROUS kinds of meditation though

often times neurodivergent folk benefit from moving meditations, counting meditations, observation meditations.

& if none of that works for you either THAT'S OKAY!

meditation is literally defined as the following:

focusing your attention on something without multitasking. when you realize you've lost yourself in thought, gently and calmly return to the original thing you were focusing on

meaning meditation can look like:

art, music, organizing, working out, cooking, eating, interacting with plants and nature, taking a walk, being with your pets, being with a loved one, cleaning, brushing your teeth!

yeah I mean the last one too.

I have ADHD. I get distracted.

and my ADHD symptoms have frankly gotten progressively worse over the years, I'm just being honest.

so something I'm working on now (because I'm not perfect and I'm NOT coming from a place of superiority) is:

returning my attention back to [thing] without self-judgment

that's so hard for a lot of us. especially if you struggle with low self-worth or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, and also Executive Dysfunction (because restarting is very hard once distracted)

that's all absolutely normal (for us) and doesn't make you a "bad" meditator

[Realizing I should've wrote this in a Medium article

my bad - may delete and do that if anyone is interested in what I've learned along the way or not]

and that's also because there is no bad or good meditation! sure, it's a skill. but you can't be "bad" at it. it just ~is~

I'm not a Buddhist btw, there's plenty I disagree with them on. But I enjoy learning about different cultures and practices when it comes to facing the existential dread and suffering that we face here.

I've got lots to say on that, but I'll hold that since this is very long.

oddly enough, I don't talk about this much here, but this is a huge passion of mine.

not necessarily mindfulness meditation itself, but just the coping and connection between us, and what we do to face what gets in the way of us being happy (or at least in some form of peace)

I could talk about this forever. I'm gonna cut myself off here.

I would like to expand on this at some point though. I write about this life stuff -the deep shit cause I LOVE the deep shit- in my private writings. but suddenly I felt the urge to share this tonight. idk why!

in no way do I mean to diminish or dismiss the absolutely miserable struggle that disabled people, Black people, LGBTQIA+ people, POC, poor, and other marginalized groups go through (nor those at the intersection of these groups).

I hope my daily tweets make that clear enough

this is just how I cope. I like spending my time in this way. I don't turn to this practice everyday. and that's alright.

okay, that's all.

love you very much, especially if you're still here. need to get off here!!!

take your meds, take a breath, get cozy and warm if you can.

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