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A friend’s beautiful baby post led me down the rabbit hole of Renaissance paintings and omg there’s a virgin and child for every moment of parenting.
Boob-drunk baby Jesus reaching down his mother’s top in public
Boob-drunk baby Jesus reaching down his mother’s top in public
Exhausted Mary just trying to finish her coursework while toddler Jesus climbs all over her, dressed in nothing but a towel, carrying something sharp. Maybe she’ll graduate next year...
Madonna of the Seriously Over It wrangling a squirmy savior. He probably just filled the last clean diaper she had. Guess I’ll use my heavenly robes to wipe up for now, it’s not like I’m going to leave the house anytime today.
Bonus points if she remembers to change before Joseph gets home from work.
Madonna and the Helpful Strangers. Poor Mary just wanted to head to the market for diapers and maybe a bottle of wine if the baby will tolerate two stops this close to nap time, but the Helpful Strangers have other plans!
“Is he warm enough?” One asks.
“Is he warm enough?” One asks.
When my babies were little, we didn’t have them in lowly mangers. Also we started them on full shafts of wheat at 3 months. It helps them sleep through the night” mentions another.
“Breast is best!” Chimes the third “but please remain covered up,” she helpfully adds.
“Breast is best!” Chimes the third “but please remain covered up,” she helpfully adds.
“These are the best years of your life!” Offers an older man, whose grandchildren are adults by now and who never once had to take his infant out of the house alone.
“Thank you”, smiles the Virgin, through clenched teeth. She skips the wine and goes home to invent amazon prime.
“Thank you”, smiles the Virgin, through clenched teeth. She skips the wine and goes home to invent amazon prime.
Lady of the Will You Please Stop Playing With It and Just Eat? I Don’t Really Need Every Angel Within a Ten Mile Radius Getting an Eyeful
Madonna and Whatever Keeps the Baby Quiet
Fat Baby Jesus of the One More Bedtime Story
Mom, We Have Guests and You Forgot to Put Your Boob Away
She might actually want to get this checked out with an IBCLC. The breast positioning is a little..off. “I just can’t seem to get him to latch correctly!”
“Well let’s see...? Is he stiff, like a corpse? Well, that’s just referencing his eventual death...
“Well let’s see...? Is he stiff, like a corpse? Well, that’s just referencing his eventual death...
...as a symbol for the salvation of all mankind. So that’s ok. Hmm...by any chance is your boob growing out of your neck? Ah. That might be the issue here. Been seeing a lot of that”
this image depicts the Holy Mother curing pink eye with breast milk 
Hail Mary, full of Grace— and also holistic, natural cures for everyday ailments! Before we had crunchy mommy bloggers, there was Mary, the OG “just put breast milk on it” mama!
Hail Mary, full of Grace— and also holistic, natural cures for everyday ailments! Before we had crunchy mommy bloggers, there was Mary, the OG “just put breast milk on it” mama!
Virgin of Quarantine was simply not cut out for this level of intense parenting, homeschooling, entertaining children, disinfecting groceries, cooking, cleaning, constant snacks, and utter lack of social interaction...
She kind of wishes she could be left alone for a while and lose herself in a few episodes of The Office, but the children have taken complete control of the programming. She’ll have to settle for a podcast on her headphones and a little Bailey’s in her coffee...
...while yet another episode of Paw Patrol plays in the next room. She spends her days refreshing her memory of 3rd grade math and searching Pinterest for a kid-friendly activity that doesn’t involve glue or glitter...
...She feels like she used to have a job outside this house, but she can’t seem to remember what it was like. Did she really wear a bra every day? That can’t be right.
Happy Hour has been moved to 3:00, just after she checks the scrolls for errors and the children hit “submit”.
Happy Hour has been moved to 3:00, just after she checks the scrolls for errors and the children hit “submit”.
Virgin of the Slobbery Robes, that were actually yesterday’s robes that she intended on changing out of after breakfast. Breakfast turned into snack time, and then the 3rd diaper leak of the day, which of course meant it was laundry time, and then 2nd snack and virtual school...
and before she knew it, it was time to start dinner, but she hadn’t gotten to dishes yet, so now they’re Today’s Robes.
