One of the hardest things about not seeing family for the holidays, I think, is that the psychological comfort of the holidays for many (not all) of us is entwined with the ability to revert to the sense of security we held during childhood--with things provided, and caretakers.

When you lose a parent (by death, or estrangement, or by unexpectedly losing access to them) you're suddenly thrust into the role of The Adult of the holiday, and that's really jarring.

Of course that instinctive reversion is also the source of a lot of dysfunction around the holidays, but for many people, there's a real brain stem-level sense of safety that comes from familiar rituals surrounded by lifelong caretakers in a familiar setting.

And if you've got kids, suddenly it's all on YOU to make the traditions, and for the first few years at least, it all feels weirdly ad hoc--because they're not traditions yet! You're making it up as you go!

We're trying to have fun at our house--an excuse finally to do whatever we'd like!--but none of those things are Traditions(tm) yet, and they don't carry the kind of ingrained comfort that we get from, say, my dad making crappy omelettes Christmas morning.

Anyway I'm one of only many folks in my immediate circle trying to pick apart all the complex threads of grief that this Christmas season is bringing up, so YMMV. But as stressful as Christmas with my family usually feels, I'm still mourning its loss.