How to Master the Feeling of Not Being Good Enough (PART - 4)

Face the feeling of inadequacy at its origin and banish it once and for all.

But before we explore that, here's PART 3 if you missed it: https://twitter.com/dResilientHuman/status/1333409197107527680

Feelings of Inadequacy hound everyone to some extent.

Its roots are often embedded in the past.

You can take measures to counter them.

But the journey to get rid of the old negative messages embedded at the core of your psyche

that's the most challenging part.

According to Ali Miller, the thought “I’m not good enough” can signal unmet needs.

Do you really feel you are broken inside?

Or is it just that a part of you feels scared, anxious, insecure

or just plain jealous?

Ask that part about what it’s afraid of.

What does it need?

Does it want to be accepted or be independent?

Does it feel unappreciated or insecure?

Is it looking for a worthy purpose?

Get curious to identify that and your focus shifts to getting those needs met.

On the other hand, Karyl McBride suggests that trauma resolution is needed for these old negative messages to be undone.

The deep trauma embedded in the brain needs to be uncovered and released.

It is easier said than done though...

You may find this difficult since it’s easier to deny and rationalize.

Easier to believe that it is all just in our heads

that we all came from loving and nurturing families.

Easier to blame yourself and think it’s you who is not good enough

than to accept the truth.

When you have shed light on these deep, unexplored, and even dark corners within yourself

you often find that the emotional baggage you are carrying around isn’t even yours.

Maybe, you were lugging around your mother’s insecurities

or your father’s hurt.

Then, you come to realize that the message that has been bombarding you, was wrong.

It's a distorted reality that you have created

as a defense against your dysfunctional environment.

You realize, much to your relief, that you don’t have to be defined by your childhood anymore.

You can hold yourself accountable – and change.

You are free to craft the life you have always deserved.

This kind of self-exploration is hard, scary even.

But you don’t have to take this journey alone.

Think about getting a therapist who can guide you through this journey.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) focuses on your present issues and changes the way you respond to your thoughts.

It can help raise your self-esteem.

It also teaches you useful and practical strategies that you can use in everyday life.

PCT (Person-centred Therapy) can also help your confidence.

PCT:
- shows you the personal resources you already have
- helps you grow these inner resources
- teaches you how you can use them to make better choices.

CFT (Compassion-Focused Therapy) teaches you how to be gentler with yourself and others.

It can also help you overcome shame and self-criticism.

Let your therapist guide you on the best route for you.

Once you start putting in the works and labors

you start getting glimpses of surprising truths.

You'll realize that the feeling of “not good enough” isn’t a feeling at all – it’s just a thought.

What you believed to be a truth about you is just a judgment.

You are right where you need to be.

Everything is coming together.

You had to start somewhere, and you are here now.

What was impossible for you yesterday, is probable today, and will be possible tomorrow.

It’s okay to try and fail.

Failures are just lessons that need to be learned.

You are not your mistakes – they are what you did, not who you are.

“An expert”, as Niels Bohr says, “is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field.”

You are the complete package. There's no crucial ingredient missing in you.

Even if you have scars – they are the symbols of your strength.

Even if you think there is something wrong with you – there is even more right with you.

You were “good enough” to begin with.

But wait, here's some more food for thought from @JamesClear

"You’re not allowed to be disappointed by your amateur performance because you haven’t developed the skills of a professional yet.”

"We're not good enough to be disappointed yet. We're bad enough to get to work."

The feeling of being not good enough is unsavory.

It can make you feel inadequate, broken, and not worthy of love.

But that is a figment of your imagination.

The reality is not that bleak.

- Know that you’re not alone in feeling like this.
- Try to trace back to the root of the feeling.
- Identify the hurdles that you’ve placed in your way and formulate a plan to overcome them.

You will get better at this.

You’ll come to appreciate your completeness.

So explore yourself and put in the work to conquer the feelings of not good enough.

You owe that to yourself.

That's all for now folks.
Please RT the thread if you like it: https://twitter.com/dResilientHuman/status/1335936676732968960