Read on Twitter
Picking up a thread earlier I've talked IRL co-founder conflict and relationships @wabisabiyo and other founders
I've been using @GottmanTherapy @GottmanInst on conflict and communication styles for startups
Turns out @garrytan talked about it: https://techcrunch.com/2017/02/18/co-founder-conflict/
I've been using @GottmanTherapy @GottmanInst on conflict and communication styles for startups
Turns out @garrytan talked about it: https://techcrunch.com/2017/02/18/co-founder-conflict/
So, @GottmanInst #cliffnotes:
People have different communication styles: low, neutral, high.
Regardless of style, a 6:1 +ve/-ve ratio is needed.
Violating that ratio leads 4 horseman of relationship apocalypse: defensiveness, criticism, contempt and stonewalling.
People have different communication styles: low, neutral, high.
Regardless of style, a 6:1 +ve/-ve ratio is needed.
Violating that ratio leads 4 horseman of relationship apocalypse: defensiveness, criticism, contempt and stonewalling.
People also have different conflict styles, whether they avoid conflict or are OK with conflict.
This gives you 6 different archetypes to work with, on communication and conflict ratios.
When the archetypes meet, there are predictable clashes.
This gives you 6 different archetypes to work with, on communication and conflict ratios.
When the archetypes meet, there are predictable clashes.
I'm going to add to this with my own twist...love languages @5lovelanguages
People have their own work "love languages" in terms of the work they find rewarding to do....
And the work they value that other people contribute.
This can diverge a lot.
People have their own work "love languages" in terms of the work they find rewarding to do....
And the work they value that other people contribute.
This can diverge a lot.
There's also the "What work does the startup need done" NOW that kind of superseded everything.
The dynamic isn't too different from the extreme stress of having a child and meeting its expenses, resources for attention with a view to growth and flourishing...
The dynamic isn't too different from the extreme stress of having a child and meeting its expenses, resources for attention with a view to growth and flourishing...
Here is a great article by @EstherPerel about this with a slightly different slant.
It uses Howard Mark man's framework if you're working on existing conflict or just strengthening relationship b/w founders: https://firstround.com/review/how-to-fix-the-co-founder-fights-youre-sick-of-having-lessons-from-couples-therapist-esther-perel/
It uses Howard Mark man's framework if you're working on existing conflict or just strengthening relationship b/w founders: https://firstround.com/review/how-to-fix-the-co-founder-fights-youre-sick-of-having-lessons-from-couples-therapist-esther-perel/
The most important thing is to realize this dynamic and deal with early, with awareness, empathy and compassion.
If you're having these issues with a co-founder, reach out to parties to mediate. Or, even better, reach out to a couples counselor to get these resolved..
If you're having these issues with a co-founder, reach out to parties to mediate. Or, even better, reach out to a couples counselor to get these resolved..
Seems like there will be a market for startup/founder relationship counselors that can untangle these issues, especially since there are claw backs, shareholders agreements and esops - as well as VC relationships at play.
