Thread (CW: gaslighting, mental health, abuse)
I've seen gaslighting coming up a lot and I've noticed there's a lot of misconceptions about what gaslighting is and is not.

Gaslighting is not:
Criticism
Rudeness
Calling you on your shit

Gaslighting is also not confabulation, which is when someone doesn't form a memory of something and their brain fills in the gap with erroneous information. If you're talking to someone who is confabulating, you may feel gaslit as hell, but they are not trying to gaslight you.

Here's an article relating gaslighting to confabulation, noting how much one can feel like the other. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11245-018-9611-z

Gaslighting is used to control and manipulate. It is used as an abuse tactic to make someone question their sanity and therefore depend on the abuser in order to determine their reality. Typically, it requires intent (though see the above article).

Marginalized people are at higher risk for gaslighting. Here's an article on how gaslighting relates to gender, gender identity, race, and sexuality. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0003122419874843?casa_token=ZIDK7feYVGMAAAAA:JP-hcrTPIMPa8IEzcStfnuvgSyDwjS8a_IsGzQukpaUhoUDbhDLW3TcUSlmMRJl84t6BRmDVX08npQ

Now let's talk about DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender. This describes a pattern of behavior seen in abusers once they're caught in order to reduce victim credibility. Here's an article going into it more: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/10926771.2017.1320777

How is DARVO related to gaslighting? Well, in broad strokes, it isn't. However, if someone who is being abusive responds to being called out on it by claiming they are being gaslit and publicly accusing the victim(s) of gaslighting them, remember DARVO. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/10926771.2020.1774695

It's so hard when our heroes, mentors, and loved ones fall from the pedestals we put them on. When you see these reactions, try to remember what message is being portrayed and why.

That's the end of this thread. Thank you for sticking with it. If you have any questions, I'm awake for a little while. I hope you all have a happy and safe night.

Post-script: LOVE seeing mistakes in threads I made. LOVE IT. "gender, gender identity" Good job, Jess