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A #thread about positive #autistic #identity.
The work I’ve been doing since discovering I’m autistic at the age of 58 is all about learning to love my autistic self.
In a world where the #autism narrative is so negative, it’s not surprising this can be really challenging.
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The work I’ve been doing since discovering I’m autistic at the age of 58 is all about learning to love my autistic self.
In a world where the #autism narrative is so negative, it’s not surprising this can be really challenging.
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My autism diagnostic report tried to be kind but it still got me off to quite a bad start. The criteria that are used to define us as autistic are overwhelming negative. It’s very hard not to come away feeling we have autistic faults and shortcomings that need to be corrected.
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If we celebrate our achievements and positive #autistic #qualities we risk veering into the inspirational domain, or being seen as exceptional, neither of which appeals to me. And we may get pulled down for ‘virtue signalling’. But in spite of these snags I’ll give it a go.
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So here are some things I love about being #autistic.
I love the fact that from a young age I could totally immerse myself in an activity and become completely absorbed. I lost all sense of space and time. I was in complete harmony with what I was doing, in a state of flow.
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I love the fact that from a young age I could totally immerse myself in an activity and become completely absorbed. I lost all sense of space and time. I was in complete harmony with what I was doing, in a state of flow.
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I love the fact that I valued honesty above self interest so I told the truth even if it damaged me. When I attempted to lie to protect other people I found it almost unbearable. Honesty and truthfulness are qualities found in abundance among autistic people, but pathologised.
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I love the fact that I was #altruistic. I didn’t take centre stage socially, but teachers often asked me to look after children who joined the class mid-year. In spite of my shyness they knew I’d make a real effort to be kind. I knew what it felt like to be left out.
#autistic
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#autistic
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I love the fact that I saw things in a very different way to other people. In subjects where creativity was valued like art and English literature this meant that I excelled. This compensated for my D in Geography A level, where I was far too original and not factual enough!
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I love the fact I wasn’t unduly swayed by money or status but based my career on what I really wanted to do. Big salaries and final salary pension schemes didn’t shackle me. This freedom allowed me to take on challenges other people saw as too risky, and could not commit to.
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I love the fact that I often made deep connections with other people who were marginalised or discriminated against, without fully understanding why. I was most at home with people who accepted others unconditionally because they themselves knew what it felt like to be judged.
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I love the fact that my sensory sensitivities gave me intense pleasure as well as distress. Being in love with ultra heightened physical perception must surely be one of the best things ever. And contrary to stereotypes about autistic people I did fall in love quite a lot!
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I love the fact that I was an #autistic #parent with autistic offspring. In spite of my tragic failings and shortcomings we shared delight in many of the same things and somehow managed to stay connected over the years. My children have grown up to be very fine people indeed.
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I love the fact that when life buffeted me and knocked me down I never quite gave up. I lacked a framework for making sense of myself for virtually the whole of my life, but I just kept on battling away somehow. I managed to cling on to the hope that things would get better.
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I love the fact that I had the courage to stand up against bullies even though this meant putting myself in danger. I refused to look the other way while other people were being abused. I intervened and took action. And when the bullies came for me I stood up to them again.
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I love the fact that I was immune to peer pressure and social trends. I followed my own path, unworried about being out of synch with what was considered fashionable. I cared about my appearance, but I never saw it as the most important thing about me, or indeed anyone else.
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I love the fact that signs of ageing never bothered me, so I slipped relatively easily into middle age. Now I’m older I sometimes get rankled by ageism, and I’m aware of my own mortality having lost friends who were a similar age to me, but I never wanted to cling onto youth.
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