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I am wondering whether my journey through academia could be described by “reversal learning to be a subject”.
When I was in my Bachelors, I felt to be forced to do many things (e.g. binge learning rather than understanding, being tested on practical work by a written exam) that
When I was in my Bachelors, I felt to be forced to do many things (e.g. binge learning rather than understanding, being tested on practical work by a written exam) that
I really didn't like, while I was part of this anonymous group called students with no connection to the lecturers. I think I did not feel that I had subject status at the time, because I was nothing but a machine with information as both input and output, but was not expected or
encouraged to have my own thoughts as this was socially punished - the one classmate I had who did so was shamed (I guess not openly, but laughed at behind his back by the rest of the lot including myself; I personally liked some of their questions and was really curious about
the answers at times, and felt very uncomfortable because it seems to me that these were not "real" questions and just asked to show off at other times) since their questions extended the overly full schedule. In school, I had also been struggling with the fact that I had to
learn things I was not that interested in (or rather in ways that I didn't like), but it was okay because one could discuss with classmates and teachers (also it was much easier, so I didn't have to spend so much of my free time studying and had more time to do things I liked).
When I entered my Masters, the expectations seemed to change. For the few exams we had, I felt I was still expected to puke information I had binge-learned on a piece of paper, but for the most part I was suddenly expected to have my own research ideas and interests, and I
absolutely loved this part to the point that I was quite happily spending my evenings at the library doing literature research or writing protocols (even though I noticed that the years of not having asked questions very much showed by my shyness to do so, which is really
interesting because I would not have describe myself as an introvert but rather quite "space consuming" with my thoughts and opinions).
Now in my PhD, I feel that I am again expected to have and follow my own ideas, and from what I learned think this is an integral part of
Now in my PhD, I feel that I am again expected to have and follow my own ideas, and from what I learned think this is an integral part of
research culture. This could be termed a reversal learning paradigm, but now I wonder: Why the fuck was this middle part, the first reversion (that brought myself to sleep deprivation, unhealthy eating habits, depression and almost quitting to study a subject that I was
deeply interested in several times), necessary?
Any thoughts? @ExpectationMax @Stefan_T_Huber @const_ae
Any thoughts? @ExpectationMax @Stefan_T_Huber @const_ae
