Read on Twitter
I just read this fascinating article about Inuit parenting, which is very relevant to autism (and parenting in general).
A key takeaway: kids learn emotional regulation skills from their parents, which means that parents have to model those skills. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/03/13/685533353/a-playful-way-to-teach-kids-to-control-their-anger
A key takeaway: kids learn emotional regulation skills from their parents, which means that parents have to model those skills. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/03/13/685533353/a-playful-way-to-teach-kids-to-control-their-anger
Here are some quotes from the article, which I will then discuss:
“Across the board, all the moms mention one golden rule: Don't shout or yell at small children.”
“Traditionally, the Inuit saw yelling at a small child as demeaning. It's as if the adult is having a tantrum.”
“Across the board, all the moms mention one golden rule: Don't shout or yell at small children.”
“Traditionally, the Inuit saw yelling at a small child as demeaning. It's as if the adult is having a tantrum.”
“‘With little kids, you often think they're pushing your buttons, but that's not what's going on. They're upset about something, and you have to figure out what it is.’”
“‘When we yell... We're training [children] to yell when they get upset and that yelling solves problems.’”
“‘When we yell... We're training [children] to yell when they get upset and that yelling solves problems.’”
“When a child in the camp acted in anger — hit someone or had a tantrum — there was no punishment.
Instead, the parents waited for the child to calm down and then, in a peaceful moment, did something that Shakespeare would understand all too well: They put on a drama.”
Instead, the parents waited for the child to calm down and then, in a peaceful moment, did something that Shakespeare would understand all too well: They put on a drama.”
In the dramas, parents would playfully ask the child to misbehave.
If the kid took the bait, the parents would act out the natural consequences (ex. by saying “Ouch! That hurts!”)
They would do the dramas, and tell stories about what happened, until the behavior stopped.
If the kid took the bait, the parents would act out the natural consequences (ex. by saying “Ouch! That hurts!”)
They would do the dramas, and tell stories about what happened, until the behavior stopped.
This taught the children about the consequences of their actions, and it also helped them develop self-control & emotional regulation skills.
By being repeatedly provoked in a playful way, they learned to manage their reactions at times when they weren’t overwhelmed by emotion.
By being repeatedly provoked in a playful way, they learned to manage their reactions at times when they weren’t overwhelmed by emotion.
Autistic people, children especially, often have significant challenges with emotional regulation.
When I was younger, my parents’ approach was pretty much the opposite of the Inuit one. They would yell at me, and punish me for having meltdowns.
It really screwed me up.
When I was younger, my parents’ approach was pretty much the opposite of the Inuit one. They would yell at me, and punish me for having meltdowns.
It really screwed me up.
When I was overstimulated, I needed my parents to be calm. Instead, they reacted to me and made things worse.
It traumatized me, and trained me to be defensive around them.
I have significant abandonment anxiety, because my emotional needs weren’t met in childhood.
It traumatized me, and trained me to be defensive around them.
I have significant abandonment anxiety, because my emotional needs weren’t met in childhood.
All children are sensitive and need to be treated with care. All parents need to model good emotional regulation skills.
But those two things are *especially* important for parents of autistic kids, because we’re way more sensitive than the average human being.
But those two things are *especially* important for parents of autistic kids, because we’re way more sensitive than the average human being.
I encourage everyone to read the full article, parents especially.
Storytelling, acting out scenarios, etc. doesn’t have to be complicated. You can tailor these methods to each child and their abilities.
We can all work to break the cycle of emotional dysregulation.
Storytelling, acting out scenarios, etc. doesn’t have to be complicated. You can tailor these methods to each child and their abilities.
We can all work to break the cycle of emotional dysregulation.
