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Gandalf blew trees through an entire trilogy to solve his problems and so can we in this essay I will
Do u guys want the actual essay
Point one he literally went to hell and toked up as soon as he got back
Point two he keeps the pipe in his walking stick. Bitch going with him EVERYWHERE. greatest wizard of whatever the fuck just tote that thang on him cross country so we know he got that good good and it is for this purpose alone that he’s willing to go on these god forsaken quests
Point three they come across this magical fucking door because we don’t have enough problems already and what does our grandpa do as soon as he realizes he finna have to come up with some elvish sounding shit to avoid admitting he ain’t remember to bring the translator?
Point 4 this nigga is two thousand years old and still has the knee strength for this:
Point five his Snoop Lion rebirth phase:
Point six he essentially murdered this man by breaking his pipe
Point seven he brings weed to literally all diplomatic encounters and succeeds in luring at least a dozen souls on a cross country treck to “find themselves” or whatever on two separate occasions and no one holds him accountable for it. Ever.
Point 8 since quarantine began we all learned how much many of you despise your children-look no further than Gandalf, who who toked his way through 3 3hr films of being stuck with these niggas and did not choke them once
Point 9: global warming? No problem. Soul-sucking capitalist regime? We’ll handle it. Learning the child who was left in your care got stabbed by one of those loud bony bitches in the ugly capes? Remain calm
Point 10 when the biggest war in the trilogy started he focused not on the thousands of lives that would be lost but instead on making sure his horse matched his cape which matched his half-pony and everything turned out fine
Point 11 his first instinct upon attack is to literally call everyone else fools for stressing out about it while offering no real sense of comfort or aid
In conclusion Gandalf is a messy bitch who lived for drama because no matter the scale of chaos he refused to break a sweat and upon death literally returned with better hair and a nicer dress with 0 PTSD or regard for the deaths he caused all thanks to the power of oui’d
