I don't know whether I've spoken about this on here specifically before, but I want to speak about my experience of detransition.

I began transitioning in 2015 after things really came to a head in my personal life. I had/have a good job, I had a partner who I very much (1/11)
was in love with, I had money, good family relations. I'd had an operation that largely sorted out my IBD a few years before. There was literally nothing that was an issue in my life, except for GID

So, having pinpointed it as the only area in my life where I was (2/11)
deeply unhappy, after a lot of therapy previously, I realised I had to transition in order to not completely screw my life up by my traditional behaviours when I fall into a pit of despair.

Until 2016 came along.

2016 found me reading mumsnet, Cisgender-Rights Activists (3/11)
really kicking off against trans-people, and a major "backlash" happening, driven by hatred. Suddenly, rights that had been established were being debated, Channel 4 was allowing audience members like Venice Allen to scream "You are a bloke with a penis" at Trans speakers (4/11)
they'd invited to debates, and the hatred just seemed to be increasing. I suddenly felt very unsafe and, having lived through the period of LGB "acceptance" in the late 90s/early 00s I panicked about having the exact same battles regarding things that other people take for (5/11)
granted.
In 2017, I detransitioned. I explained to work that I'd be pausing everything, I told my partner that didn't think I was strong enough to do it, and I fell once again into a pit of despair. I decided to just try and block things out - a tactic that had clearly (6/11)
worked previously...

This effectively led to a total breakdown. Suddenly, I was solely focused on hedonism as life had, once more, become completely nihilistic. Why bother doing anything? The hatred I was still seeing from people who were considering me a threat to women (7/11)
or a "pervert", seeing people like DH sell trans people down the river for a tuppence of approval from our oppressors, seeing Graham Linehan obsessively attacking trans people because someone had complained about a joke he made years ago (and it becoming his whole (8/11)
personality) it just felt that nothing mattered any more.

My detransitioning was a complete failure. I hadn't become happy. I hadn't thought "Oh well, I'd tried, it obviously wasn't for me". I just had complete regret about every decision I'd ever made. (9/11)
Then summer 2019, I realised I couldn't put it off any longer, so it was transition or accept being miserable for the rest of my life. It was at this crossroads that I realised it was do or die.

So I started again

And now? I've never been happier. Life has meaning again (10/11)
Amplify detransitioners' voices? Amplify mine. Detransitioning was the biggest mistake I ever made. By a long way. It set me back years and severely damaged my mental health even further.

Fuck Cis-Rights Activists using detransas "evidence" against transition. Rant over. (11/11)
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