normalize platonic spouses. women need to marry each other and let these men get in where they fit in.

do ya'll really trust these men with your survival? don't you trust women more?

shouts out to the queer community for fighting for gay marriage, cause that has opened up many more possibilities for women to liberate ourselves.

for real though... i'm trying to come up with viable solutions for women. the violence and neglect we experience at the hands of men makes partnering with them dangerous. many women in my CH chat last night spoke about how it's life or death to date men...

...how dating men is dangerous and a threat to their survival. it's a crap shoot.

many of us are still sexually attracted to men and enjoy men who respect women. but being stuck in survival with men (making a home, sharing income/finances, parenting children in cis-hetero nuclear led family units etc...) leave women vulnerable to DV and poverty.

The binaries of platonic and romantic/sexual love and the implications it has on survival for women are trash. I'm thinking about how marriage was designed by men and part of women liberating ourselves (esp Black women) can be redefining the power dynamic of the institution...

...If women can see marriage as a tool and divorce it from its intended function, it becomes a means to self-determination. Marriage can be a means to securing material stability rather than solely the domain of romantic relationships...

Research repeatedly says that men benefit from marriage. It lengthens their lives, but shortens the lives of women. So, what would happen if women married each other and gave the benefits of marriage to each other?

Sex and romance can be separated from the bonds of survival, material security, and child rearing. Cis Hetero marriages often isolate pregnant women and new mothers from the communities of women that are necessary to support her...

...men's violent behavior + new mothers being isolate from communities of care can lead to post partum depression.

So this also means that men are repurposed. Romantic relationships with men no longer become the center or goal. Women can secure their material stability free from men + free from the double binds that puts women in. It actually frees men too!

All of this is much easier said than done. Cause many of us women still hold out hope for meeting the unicorn man who is emotionally present, respects women, and honors consent. Then the financial piece, sexual chemistry, etc etc.

I'm learning to work with what I've got. The pool of men available? There are plenty that I am physically + sexually attracted. Many whose company I enjoy. But raising children with them? Making house? That list is very short. Literally 1 man I know.

This convo has taken so much pressure off of me to live my life a certain way, to engage with men a certain way. Cause as it stands men are the prize. There are so few of them who are at the very least decent human beings, let alone attractive.

The essential questions are:
What is marriage (cis-hetero)?
Who is it for?
Who benefits?
Who is put at a disadvantage?
In what was can marriage be changed to benefit women without centering men?

This is also part of discussions I'm having lately. Friendships tend to be much more stable relationships. I could see myself raising my child w/a friend rather than a romantic partner. Though that raises issues for men who think they own women's bodies. https://twitter.com/itsjalisa/status/1335343407124807680?s=20

Many cis-hetero women are pressed to get all of this from/with a man. Does it even make sense? Are men even capable?:
Attraction
Pleasure
Romance
Sex
Affection
___
Housing
Food
Safety
Other material survival needs
___
Companionship
Emotional intimacy

Seriously, though. Make it makes sense. With the rates of DV and paternal neglect in cis -hetero romantic relationships and marriages, it only make sense to accept that men aren't capable of showing up in all of these ways.

Why do we keep expecting them to?