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I remember interviewing David Ervine for the first time almost 20 years ago. One of the first things I nervously said to him was "I'm a Catholic". He looked upset and said back "Why should that matter?"
Since that day as a fresh-faced young postgraduate student I have met many loyalists who like Ervine served years in Long Kesh or Magilligan or the Crum. They all know my background and my there's never been an issue. I've never once encountered sectarian attitudes.
The only time I did encounter sectarianism was from a politician. It was so casual it didn't even seem to occur to him that he was being sectarian.
I've always been open about my religious background and it appears to perplex many people. Why would you waste your time researching Loyalism they often say? There are many factors which have interwoven over the years to make me interested in Loyalism.
Some are probably so deep-seated that even I wouldn't be able to put my finger on them.
I have seen articles written in the past about Graham Spencer and Chris Hudson, two people I respect. They were described as the "odd couple of Loyalism". Yet no one except from Sam McBride has been switched on enough to ask about my religious background.
I admire Sam and both he and Billy checked if it was ok for that time mentioned in the article. I said yes, because I hope - as Sam alludes to - that it demonstrates how far NI has moved on since the early 1970s.
My parents, living in fear of the loyalist paramilitaries in North Belfast in the 1970s would probably never have dreamt that one day they would adopt a baby who would grow into a man who would talk to the very people who created an intense fear in their lives.
I have written about Sammy McCleave, and I hope to write more about him and other victims. I am proud of my work on Loyalism. I think that between My Life in Loyalism, Tartan Gangs and The Contested Identities I have contributed three important works.
I hope in years to come they will be part of a long line of publications that I will create. I've tried to reach out and understand those who I knew nothing about and who my parents feared. Is that not the way to move society forward?
I'll keep writing about Loyalism as well as other things. As a friend said - it shouldn't be seen as a negative. Surely employers and others should see that you have the skills to make people feel at ease. That you can establish trust. That you can sustain working relationships.
I've rambled of course, but I'm glad that Sam McBride noticed the complexities of the dynamic. The world isn't black and white.
I wish I could see it in black and white. It would be easier to turn over at night. It's the grey areas that keep me curious and keep me looking to the past for answers.
