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In recent years, it’s become fashionable to say that Jesus isn’t a “nice guy.” Or to decry “nice guys” in general.
As a highly sensitive man (HSM), I have many thoughts on this matter.
Warning: thread ahead.
As a highly sensitive man (HSM), I have many thoughts on this matter.
Warning: thread ahead.
My reaction to this tends to be “What do you mean by nice guy?”
I think what people are trying to say is that Jesus is courageous. He speaks the truth even if it upsets people. That He’s not a weakling.
In doing so, they imply that “nice guys” are weak and cowardly.
I think what people are trying to say is that Jesus is courageous. He speaks the truth even if it upsets people. That He’s not a weakling.
In doing so, they imply that “nice guys” are weak and cowardly.
It’s true that many men are weak and cowardly. I myself have often struggled to “find my backbone.”
But what happens when you call this being a “nice guy” instead of just saying “a coward”? You mix in other things with what you’re criticizing.
But what happens when you call this being a “nice guy” instead of just saying “a coward”? You mix in other things with what you’re criticizing.
Whether intended or not, you make it sound like Jesus isn’t kind. Or compassionate. Or gentle. Or merciful. You make it sound like he’s a brute. A “macho man”—and that other men should be like this too.
I know the word “nice” has a complicated history. And some men hate being called “nice” above almost anything else. And I know that too often, “nice guys” use their meekness to hide their resentment. They can be just as manipulative as the “bad boy.”
But if that’s true, then is their problem that they are too “nice”? In one sense, no. They aren’t nice (kind, loving, caring) ENOUGH. They’re just pretending to be to get what they want in a subtle, passive way. Their “niceness” is a mask for their selfishness.
Jesus is none of these things. He isn’t afraid of speaking the truth. He regularly says things that upset people. But to what end? Not so that he can “win.” To prove how tough or manly He is. But because He CARES. Because He wants people to be saved. He wants to show them mercy.
And when people reject His mercy—or when they stand in the way of others receiving it (like the scribes and Pharisees in Matthew 23)—that makes Him sad. Or angry.
But when someone is desperate for mercy, He gives it. Indeed, He offends people with His eagerness to show grace.
But when someone is desperate for mercy, He gives it. Indeed, He offends people with His eagerness to show grace.
So is Jesus a “nice guy”? Should men be “nice”? It depends on what you mean by nice.
If you mean weak and cowardly, not at all.
But if you mean kind, compassionate, merciful—while also committed to truth and justice—then yes. Jesus is all of these things.
If you mean weak and cowardly, not at all.
But if you mean kind, compassionate, merciful—while also committed to truth and justice—then yes. Jesus is all of these things.
And not just every man, but every woman—every Christian—should be these things too.
There is much more I could say, but I think that will do for now.
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There is much more I could say, but I think that will do for now.
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