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My 6 year old daughter had #COVID. It was mild, she's fine, and others in the family are negative. Still, it was NOT easy. I’m a mom and a pediatric health psychologist. And still, it was NOT easy. Some encouraged me to share my lessons learned, so here are my top 15: A Thread...
1- Ventilation- I knew I had to isolate my daughter to one room, but I had no idea ventilation was so important… A couple of box fans, a blocked A/C intake, and 7 Air Purifiers later we were ready. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160412020317876
2- PPE- We set up a station outside of her room with masks, a face shield, a robe, and gloves. We did not go into her room without putting these things on first. It was an adjustment, but by the second day she was just asking “can you put on your stuff, so I can have a hug?”
3- Masks- we wore them ALL THE TIME. We did not know who might have already been infected, so we wore them in the house to protect each other. This was an adjustment for the whole family. But, again, everyone adjusted quickly. Even my toddler son got used to “mask kisses”.
4- Not all COVID tests are the same. The week of thanksgiving, we had an appointment AND waited 4 hours for a COVID test- only to find out it was an antigen test, which is less accurate if you are asymptomatic. Here’s the best graphic I found on this:
https://www.fda.gov/media/138094/download
https://www.fda.gov/media/138094/download
5- My last practical tip is to be open with your “pod” members. My daughter was with a pod member without a mask, and sure enough, that’s how she was exposed. We felt so helpless, as we watched it spread from one to the next, but the advanced notice gave us time to prepare.
6-Emotionally- this hit HARD. I felt like a failure. I was terrified about what the next week might bring. I allowed myself to feel these things, but tried not to have these moments in front of my daughter. Instead, I cried in the bathroom, with my husband, and on the phone...
7- Since the beginning of the pandemic, it felt like we had been taking things one week at a time. When my daughter tested positive, that perspective shifted to one day at time. We focused on getting through until the end of the day... we had no idea what tomorrow might bring.
8- I made space- I made space for my emotions, and I made space to deal with it. I dropped and delegated anything I could that had been on my plate for the week at work or at home. My husband took off from work, we knew this was priority #1 for right now.
9- Making space for my emotions allowed me to make space for my daughter’s. When I got hints she wanted ot talk, we talked. I tried my best to say it is NOT HER FAULT and there is still lots we could do, together, to fight the virus and keep it from other people in our family.
10- Once while we were reciting our “I love you more...” she said “I love you even when I’m dead.” My heart stopped. I took a breath, and asked her what she meant. She understood way more than I knew. I never lied to her, but I did focus on the positives: most people get better.
11- We focused on what was in our control. We told my daughter how proud we were of all that she was doing to help us fight the virus. We created an isolation count down daisy chain. We varied activities throughout the day, and tried to keep some semblance of routine.
12- We spent A LOT of time on facetime. We even Facetimed while sleeping- mostly when she woke up in the morning wanting to crawl into our bed and cuddle. Facetime was the easiest way for her to reach us and helped her feel less shut out.
13- We activated our support. We shared our story with our friends, and I cannot begin to describe the immense amount of love and support we received… it was amazing. COVID doesn't have to be a stigma. The support we received was well worth telling others about it, 100 times.
14- Relatedly, it’s not easy to ask for help. The best thing for us was when a neighbor or friend offered something specific, i.e., “I work at Target, and could bring back anything after my shift, can I get you anything?” If ever there was a time to accept help, this was it!
15- And… as they tell you when you travel on a plane… “in case of emergency, put your oxygen mask on first”. We took care of ourselves. The first few nights, we did not sleep much, but it got better. We took our vitamins, we went for walks, we ate 3 meals a day.
16- I lied… one more… Survivor’s Guilt- We are incredibly THANKFUL to be the lucky ones. Our pod members family was not so lucky. One person in the hospital, the other two feeling the most sick they have EVER been. I dont have any advice, just wanted to recognize this for now.
I recognize our privilege allowed us to do many of these things. So, please, especially this holiday season, don’t just mask up for yourself, mask up for the most vulnerable person you know, because they may not have the ability to protect themselves and their family. #MaskUp
