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BREAKING - LIVE TRANSCRIPT OF THE HISTORIC BORIS JOHNSON URSULA VDL CALL...
UVDL: Good afternoon Mr Prime Minister.
BJ: And the very finest of wonderfully cheese cracker crisp but not too toe chilblainingly autumnal afternoons to you Madame Van Der Carpet Lining.
UVDL: Good afternoon Mr Prime Minister.
BJ: And the very finest of wonderfully cheese cracker crisp but not too toe chilblainingly autumnal afternoons to you Madame Van Der Carpet Lining.
UVDL: Mr Prime Minister, I have been informed by our negotiating team that we have reached an impasse. I am sure you realise that it is in all of our interests to make sure we agree a deal.
BJ: Well, VDL, let me begin by saying how nice your hair looks...
BJ: Well, VDL, let me begin by saying how nice your hair looks...
UVDL: I have discussed this situation with my colleagues and we are prepared to make certain limited concessions. I hope you treat this as a sign of our positive intent. But of course we expect the UK to reciprocate.
BJ: I have been in close contact with Frosty. Good chap, Frosty. Knows the difference between a chipolata and a frankfurter. Frosty tells me that it’s the second half of the game and we’re well into extra game. Drop goal? I asked him.
UVDL: Please Mr Johnson we are running out of time. Speed is of the essence.
BJ: Well you won’t believe what Frosty told me. His exact words. I wrote them down. He said, ‘A few more strong tackles and the Frenchies will run for their lives. The game’s there for the winning.’...
BJ: Well you won’t believe what Frosty told me. His exact words. I wrote them down. He said, ‘A few more strong tackles and the Frenchies will run for their lives. The game’s there for the winning.’...
BJ: ...Even I was a bit surprised, Mrs Van De Scaredy Lion. Steady on Frosty. I said. I’m a foreign service man, a man for all seasons, summer especially, sunlit uplands don’t you know. There’s no need for fisticuffs I’m sure the French will come to their senses...
BJ: ...when they feel the good solid ash wood of our longbows and the sharp prick of our arrows. Instead of war, we must jaw-jaw, summon the spirit of mighty Periscopese - perhaps you have heard of him? So called because of his uncanny ability to see in all directions...
BJ: But. BUT. Mark you Madame Elle Presidente. The Old Periscope wasn’t afraid of war as Sparta learnt to her cost. So I say this, we must extend the hand of amity encaped in the velvet dove of peace but never forgetting the silky steel gauntlet of thundering thighs.
/the end
/the end
