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i actually think it can be hard to be inclusive and i don’t envy well-meaning cis and straight people who want to use the right language without having to straight up transition lol https://twitter.com/ecojameson/status/1333648914088652800
i like ftm for myself and i know a lot of people hate queer for themselves . now what
les feinberg had a whole thing about knowing when people were speaking respectfully and when they weren’t, regardless of the language they used.
for me, it’s important that people who are in my life—as friends and lovers, and dependent on WHO they are—use specific language for me. it’s less important if they’re acquaintances or professional contacts.
i am willing to make demands of the people who want to care about be. i will not argue with cis people anymore about who i am, which is why i don’t use they/them at work anymore
recently i told a friend who is very gnc but uses she/her pronouns about abandoning “they/them.” “ah, come on,” she said. “you can’t just give up!” she had no idea how alienating and exhausting it is to insist on something everyone is invested in denying.
and not even denying... the most exhausting part is not the people who try and sometimes fail to use they/them. it’s the people who obsess over it, need to process it, and use it to gain additional access to your life—making it about themselves, basically.
