I've watched my friend's relationship become abusive. The process is insidious. He chipped away at her self-esteem. I warned her, we all did. But she couldn't see. He started alienating her from her support system. He was emotionally abusive long before he hit her. But he was the

Perfect boyfriend in public. His image was everything. He tried manipulating us as her friends(the ones he couldn'tget rid of). If we didn't smile with him, it was because "you tell you friends bad things about me after I apologized". It became her job to run interference and

Protect his image. He started normalizing getting physical. Grabbing things from her, shaking her, hitting furniture then immediately apologizing. The first he beat her she almost died. She came to stay with me. He confessed to me how he was "so ashamed…understood why she left"

I almost felt like he meant it. Until he said "she just let her little single friends get in her head because they are envious". I was one of her single friends. He was making it so I had to support them or be labeled 'envious'. A few weeks of her staying with me, I find out she

Was still talking to him as she "…needed closure…knows he isn't a bad guy…doesn't want ppl who aren't in a relationship cause her to ruin hers" I was livid at first. She went back to him and he beat her with a timberland that same night. When she called I almost didn't pick up

But when I heard her voice, the fear. I went in a taxi to get her. I armed myself. I was ready to fight him. But he wouldn't engage with me. He was arguing at her but never coming close to me. We took all her things that night. She bought a ticket and left Jamaica to get away.

Many women, don't have that avenue of escape. They don't have anywhere to go. Their lives with be significantly worse if they left. Ask abusers why they abuse. Don't ask their victims why they stayed cause it's harder than we think.