Tonight's thoughts are about aftercare. I know it comes up a lot as something that you ought to be doing but I don't recall many people talking about *how* to do aftercare. In my opinion, there's good aftercare, ineffective aftercare, and frankly, bad aftercare.

I think it's also worth pointing out that these aren't universal categories - what is necessary for one person may be actively harmful for another. So by nature, all aftercare is personal, and like most things in a dynamic, you should discuss what kind of care they need.

Maybe the best way to talk about the practice is in terms of the goal - you're looking to get back to "normal". If a scene is roller coaster ride, aftercare is the bit after you're done with all the drops and loops and are returning to the station.

If you've ridden on a roller coaster, you may know almost all rides have a bit of track where you're still on the ride, you haven't gotten back to the station, but there are no hills really left to climb. That's by design. You need that emotional cooldown to feel complete.

Aftercare is the emotional cooldown for intense scenes. Otherwise, you're left with jitters, adrenaline, pain, loss... whatever it is. So these are explicit tools used to reset after those experiences. Let's talk about them concretely!

1. Praise: Emotional affirmation of how a submissive did during a scene can really help them feel okay about what they did and what they allowed to be done to them.
"You did great"
"I'm so impressed with you"
"That was beautiful"
"Good {pet name}"

2. Appreciation: Beyond just being happy with your submissive, giving them appreciation for their service can help reset the power exchange.
"Thank you for the scene, I enjoyed that"
"You were so hot, I'm so turned on"
"I loved that scene"
"Thank you for submitting"

3. Candy: It's easy to discount, but physical scenes can take a bit out of someone physically. A lot of people find eating (reasonable) amounts of chocolate and sugary treats can be very comforting, and help them feel cared for.

4. Water: For similar reasons, having a glass of water can help with fatigue or intense scenes, particularly scenes where you've been stationary for long periods of time, or for which there's been heavy sweating.

5. Touch: Some need that physical connection while they mentally process, either being hugged, swaddled, gently massaged, or even just quietly held. Especially post-sadism, it can reestablish a new mode of contact and reassure your partner you're done with the pain.

6. Affection: Soft kisses, hair brushing, light tracing of the skin, as well as bringing them items and demonstrably "taking care of" your partner can help reaffirm that you're involved in something loving and caring.

All of these are dependent on your partner. I've met some people for whom aftercare is a thing they explicitly don't want. I've met others for whom only one or two of these will work, and the rest are actively disliked. I want to address two details specifically, though.

First, in *online* play, we don't have access to all these techniques, so we have to lean more heavily on the first few, and adapt the rest. Get your submissive to wrap themselves in a blanket. Have them prep consumables beforehand.

Secondly, aftercare is NOT strictly for submissives, and many times dominants need praise, appreciation, affection, and reassurance just as much as their submissives. As a dom/me, bring up your needs with your partner. As a submissive, ASK them what they need.

Anyway, rambling because it seems like the aftercare discussion is in the air tonight and I feel like we don't talk about specifics nearly enough. Have fun out there!