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I tweet often and freely about my depression because I don't think it is something to be ashamed of and I hope that the message reaches someone who can identify.
Depression looks different on everyone.
I am a high-functioning depressive. If you met me in person you would have no idea that I had this issue.
People who have met me IRL can attest that I am happy, always laughing and joking, and kick ass when it comes to work. I got out of my way to be helpful and resourceful.
I didn't even understand that I was depressed. I just knew something was wrong with me and other people could not see it.
Thankfully I was raised to believe in the power of therapy. My Psychologist is a lovely man who can explain things in a way I understand.
And once I was able to grasp my diagnosis he then helped me understand my neurodiversity and why medication can help.
Talk therapy was my jam, but I had a very negative connotation associated with taking medication for mental health.
1. I don't trust the government or big pharma in general.
2. I didn't like the idea of taking a medicine forever and never being "well"
3. I've seen the negative effects of people on wrong medication: extreme mood swings, numbness, and or paranoia. I wanted no parts.
2. I didn't like the idea of taking a medicine forever and never being "well"
3. I've seen the negative effects of people on wrong medication: extreme mood swings, numbness, and or paranoia. I wanted no parts.
Please know that my Dr had the patience of Job and truly cared enough to put up with my questioning of his profession and conspiracy theories.
After many challenges, hurdles, and requests for long term studies I agreed to try medication.
I had a long list of stipulations: no new drugs, no drugs that have garnered a bad reputation in the media (like Paxil), nothing that would make me feel numb, and I wanted the lowest dose possible.
[Yes, I know I am a difficult patient]
We settled on Zoloft. My initial dose was 25 mg, which is a standard pediatric dose. It was a BS dose at my request. Basically just enough to prove to me that it did work (barely) and I didn't become a zombie.
We then stepped it up until I found a place where the medication was effective and I still felt good (no overwhelming side effects).
That was over 6 years ago. I am still in love with Zoloft, you will have to pry it from my cold-dead hands. And I feel neurotypical with it. It does not "cure" my depression, I will always be neurologically different.
There will always be chemicals in my brain that do not operate at "normal" levels. And even with medication I can still have periods of depression brought on by high stress like this pandemic, being out of work, etc.
But I feel better. That black cloud doesn't follow me everywhere and occupy my thoughts.
And if any of what I said resonates with you, I would strongly recommend reaching out to your PCP, therapist, or finding a psychiatrist to help.
