One of the things that I've had to confront about myself in adulthood is that a lot of what was labeled as "intelligence" and being a "good student" in school was just a desire to please authority and an ability to memorize easily.

And "wanting the teacher to like me" was the perfect conditioning for someone about to enter the abusive work culture of the US. Now I'm interested in nurturing lifelong curiosity and have cultivated a deep suspicion if what is considered "authority."

I bought into the conditioning that said any inclination to rebel or question authority was what "bad kids do." That's part of the shit that stops you from asking for more money, healthcare, promotions, and opportunities to rest. It had me answering work emails in an ER bed.

I think that's why so much of my personal healing has come from revisiting play and imagination in adulthood.