It's #IDPWD2020 . I have multiple disabilities. I wanted to talk a little about parenting while disabled. Talking about being a disabled parent can be dangerous, so I want to make clear that I am able to safely take care of my child on my own. But here are a few thoughts:

1) Because I'm disabled, I did not expect typicality from my child. I was open to whatever human arrived, and I have tried to be curious about her experience/perspectives. I have tried to choose interventions that increase her comfort rather than move her towards 'normalcy.'

2) Before I had a child, I misunderstood the physical aspect of parenting. I thought the newborn stage would be hardest on my body, but the toddler stage has placed many more physical demands on me. Maybe this gets easier, though I think it depends on the child.

3) Because I'm disabled, I have a lot of experience navigating the medical system, but also a lot of trauma around it. I am constantly worried about not being believed about my child's experiences/symptoms, especially given the whole patronizing "nervous new mom" trope.

4) One of the hardest parts of disabled parenting is that you don't know your child's needs until they arrive. For example, some toddlers run off. Some don't. Unless I'm with someone, I only take the toddler to places where, if she runs away, she won't be harmed.

5) I can't physically do things like wrestle the toddler into her carseat, so I have to collaborate with her more often. Once, she refused to get into her seat and so we just sat there for an hour until she complied. I think it's improved our relationship.

6) Because of the physical demands of parenting, I can no longer push myself to my limit. I've had to stop a lot of hobbies like baking (though we still make muffins etc together) because I can't spend all my 'spoons' on that.

Anyhow, I have a lot of privilege that makes parenting easier. I don't think disability makes me a better parent (and often I feel like shit when, say, a daycare worker has to go chase down my child who's taken off down the street), but I think it does give me specific strengths.

I forgot 1 more thing. I totally underestimated how parenting would make me worse at other tasks. The physical exertion of parenting means that I struggle more to do things like mopping the floor. The executive functioning toll has also been great.