Clive Barker: I just won back the rights to Hellraiser!
Barker: so we're done w direct-to-dumpster trash sequels!
Barker: No more 'Pinhead Goes Hawaiian' & 'Pinhead Meets the Harlem Globetrotters'!
Barker: we're bringing it back to its roots
Barker: gonna make it gay AND horny!

Barker: from now on, Hellraiser is only gonna give you the gayest AND horniest films
Barker: We're gonna wang it up to the next level!
Barker: so many dicks you won't even believe it
Bram Stoker: er i'm not comfor
Barker: shut up, bram, i'm talking

Barker: we are going to make the gayest Hellraiser films
Barker: incredibly, irrefutably gay
Barker: Being born into a new dimension beyond mere sexuality gay
Barker: it's gonna be lit
Hailey Piper: this
Piper: this seems like a good direction

Barker: and we're gonna make it balls out hard gay
King: what's that mean
Barker: it means not like 'sad stage play about crew teammates at an elite british boarding school' gay
Barker: JUST. DICKS.

Barker: not 'tender coming of age zine about the time at summer camp you saw your counselor without a shirt' gay
Barker: not 'didactic cartoon about lesbians holding hands' gay
Barker: none of this pastel colored, rounded edge sad boy bullshit
Barker: This is gay the Barker way!

Bram Stoker: stop it! stop it! i don't like this sex talk
Stoker: i mean uh
Stoker: you shouldn't use those words in front of dean
Stoker: that's my sole concern, dean's tender child-like sensibilities yes
Barker: dean's fine
Koontz: what's a hellraiser
Barker: see?

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