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Good morning, all! Today is #NationalDisabilityDay and I wanted to talk a bit about having fibromyalgia and what it's like to be a disabled game developer.
First of all, this is the first year I've actually thrown in the hat and identified as disabled. Before I always felt like I "didn't count" because my fibro is mild compared to others, I'm mobile most of the time, and I can still work.
But as my friends have pointed out to me, this IS a condition that affects me every day, I have accommodations for it for my work, and it limits what I'm abled to do. I have to limit my work hours, sometimes I use a cane, and a lot of things I just can't do because of it
I think my hesitation came from the fact that fibro is one of those "invisible illnesses" and I had to go through years of skepticism and "you don't look sick" before I accepted for myself that it's a real thing and learned to self-advocate
For those that aren't familiar, fibromyalgia is a chronic pain and fatigue syndrome. They don't know what causes it, and as a result it's sort of a catch-all, but a lot of the research in the past 10 years has suggested it's something to do with the nervous system
Practically this means that I'm in pain a lot, and suffer from bouts of crippling fatigue. I get flared up when the weather changes, or if I'm under a lot of stress, or even if I have big emotional high, I easily crash afterwards. I also suffer from major depressive disorder
Fibro also has brain fog, which sounds like a very silly thing (and often has silly results, as my team can attest when I try to speak a coherent thought in a meeting when it gets close to 5pm), but it's like being inebriated. It's difficult to form thoughts and speak clearly
I also am very lucky right now to have found a doctor who believes me and works actively with me to maintain a plan to manage my pain. I cannot stress how big a deal this is, even though he is not a chronic pain specialist.
Finding a doctor who believes you is something that I'm sure a lot of folks with chronic illness can talk about. My initial diagnosis process happened 14 years ago and was a nightmare of being passed around and given up on when tests came back normal.
As for being a game designer, I literally couldn't do what I do without accommodations from the wonderful studios and teams I've worked with. @Bungie and @prblyMONSTERS have been amazing at giving flexible accommodations that allow me to do my job and be a badass game designer
But I will also add that I only have these because I got extremely good at self-advocacy. I know a lot of folks who suffer in silence out of fear of retaliation, or who have had bad experiences at past studios with discrimination and don't want to chance a repeat experience.
This breaks my heart, because I know that both your life and the quality of the work you do VASTLY IMPROVES with accommodations, but it's the reality of the industry we work in that folks have these legitimate fears based on real past experiences.
Anyway, I am SUPER open about my experiences with fibromyalgia, and am happy to answer any questions about it. Or if you are a game developer suffering from a chronic illness, I'm happy to lend an ear and chat about your experiences.
Thanks for listening, friends!
Thanks for listening, friends!
