Chuuua and Dazai break up, but decide to remain living together for now because it’s easier, they’re both broke college students, and funnily enough, they’re much more mature about /this/ than they’ve ever been about their relationship throughout the last four years.

Besides, they had been friends for ages before they had their first kiss when they were 16, so it’s just going to be like living with your best friend (slash ex), right? Totally doable.

And at first, it is.

Well, obviously it’s awkward. Kind of exactly like the first few days

of dating where every word feels so much more significant than it actually is, and the silences are awful and awkward, and Chuuya’s chest tightens every time they meet in the kitchen — except that this time they’re not in love anymore. It’s not the crush phase.

It's the /I've been loving you for so long I don't remember how not do it anymore/ phase.

It sucks, of course it does, but they make it work. By reverting back to teenagers that communicate by pranking each other. Because coming up with a plan how to best make a fool out of

Dazai is easier than to see him and think about how much he misses sleeping next to him in bed. Even if Chuuya was the one to bring up splitting, in the first place. Even he's aware there are a thousand reasons why it's for the best.

So Dazai's favorite snacks get replaced with carrot sticks, and Chuuya accidentally dyes his hair, and Dazai (probably) spends a few hours looking for the thirty alarm clocks hidden in his room while Chuuya works a night shift.

And maybe Chuuya enjoys teasing Dazai about it /a little/ too much afterwards, but who cares? They're having more fun than they've been having for years, and it's fine.

Except that one day Dazai starts putting less effort into his pranks.

Then he stops completely, and it's no fun being an ass all by himself, so Chuuya stops as well, and then they're back to square one. But this time, Dazai withdraws. He starts spending more time out of the apartment, and when he's home, he's in his room.

And even though Chuuya should be fine with that -- he probably should be even glad about it, it hurts to watch the two of them grow apart with each day.

On the rare occasion, they do stumble into each other, Dazai's much more quiet and reserved than Chuuya has ever seen him be.

Frankly, it would be disturbing if Chuuya didn't already had an idea what's going on.

Their walls are thin. It's hard not to notice when your room mate's on the phone with someone /for hours./

It's been almost two months.

Of course, Chuuya knew eventually they'd find someone else. Fall in love again. Date. Start new relationships.

Somehow he always assumed that it would be easier, though. Not like /this./ Feeling like someone just punched him in the gut and then left him on the ground.

Maybe he hoped they wouldn't be living together anymore. Or that Dazai would, at least, wait more than two goddamn months --

But Chuuya's not mad at Dazai. It's not fair blaming him.

He's mad at /himself/ because once he realizes that this is /it/ -- it's over between them once and for all... the realization that Chuuya never stopped being in love with his best friend is rattling.

And it's too late.

And he's so goddamn stupid.

And all their fights, their arguments, and the reasons why they decided to end it seem so fucking silly and small in the grand scheme of things. They could have tried harder. /Chuuya/ could have...

But he didn't.

And no amount of /what if/s and /should have/s will bring back what they've already lost.

Chuuya gives himself /one/ night to sulk. One night to get miserably drunk with a bottle of wine and look at the pictures on his phone that he should have deleted weeks ago,

while Dazai is out... doing god knows what. One night to listen to the sad playlist that only makes him even sadder. One night to watch his favorite snaps of the two of them.

Them lying in bed together, and Dazai kissing Chuuya's cheek with a smirk. Their first vacation as a couple in Paris. A video of Dazai talking in his sleep. An unflattering selfie of them while they were "studying" for exams only three months ago.

He never thought he'd miss those moments the most. The simple ones. The ones you don't even think about doing when they're happening.

Chuuya's pretty sure he passes out on the couch, though he wakes up in his bed, which is /weird./ Maybe he just doesn't remember

changing rooms in the middle of the night. After brushing his teeth and gulping down an entire bottle of water, Chuuya tentatively calls Dazai's name to see if he ever returned -- a stupid part of him /daring/ to hope, but he's only met with silence.

Silence, Chuuya thinks, has never sounded so awful.

Dazai never even came home.

But Chuuya had his 24 hours of moping; it's morning now, and he won't torture himself thinking about who Dazai was with or what he was doing, and he won't wait here to ask him that. He can't.

So Chuuya gets dressed, puts on some makeup because drinking always makes his skin awfully puffy and red, and leaves the apartment.

He wastes an hour in the mall, looking for something to buy for his sister's birthday next week. Then he goes to the library.

Broken heart or not, he might as well get some work done. Better to end up alone but with a degree than alone and a living failure.

It must be his lucky day because he meets Yosano there, cramming for her upcoming state examination, which means they get coffee and pastries

and even though she probably notices his shitty mood, Yosano's decent enough not to mention it.

Chuuya only gets home at eight in the evening -- a deliberate choice. Because seeing Dazai again will remind him how much he actually misses him, and then he'll be sad again,

and being sad pisses him off because there's nothing he can do about it except /wait/ to get over it, but Chuuya has /never/ been a very patient person.

It's quiet when he enters the apartment. And again, it feels like his whole chest hollows out.

Dazai's with /someone else./

After four years, he's with someone else, and it fucking kills him.

Chuuya wipes a hand over his face before he moves to kick off his shoes and hang up his coat. He walks to his room, opens the door, and freezes.

All four walls are entirely covered in... bright and colorful sticky notes. There's so /many/ -- and it must have taken so much time to do all this -- that it actually leaves him speechless for several moments.

Then that shock bleeds into confusion.

/What the fuck?/

A prank? A fucking prank -- /now/?

Who the fuck spends the night with someone else and then decides to prank their ex the very next morning?

And then one particular sticky note, a pink one, catches his eyes. All of them are empty, but that one has something written on it.

When Chuuya steps closer to read it, he feels like his heart is going to drum right out of his chest. Because right there, in the middle of that stupid sticky note, is written: /I'm still in love with you./

"I couldn't do it."

Chuuya spins around, blinking when he sees Dazai in the doorway, looking flustered but also kind of sad.

"I had a date, and he was hot. Very hot. Charming. Smart." Their eyes meet across the room. "But he wasn't you."

For the first time in weeks, Chuuya feels his chest fill with something /light/ and /warm/, so he dares to crack a smirk as he tilts his head. "Duh." Then his brows furrow as he remembers what it was like to believe he'd lost Dazai. He's not going to let it happen again.

"I'm still in love with you too, Idiot."

Dazai finally smiles. "I know."

"You do?"

Slowly, Dazai makes his way towards him, walking like he fucking owns this place -- which, technically, he does /but/ -- !

"I might have seen what you were looking at on your phone before you started drooling on it."

Chuuya huffs out a laugh because /of course/ Dazai did. "Might have? Sure you weren't just snooping around?"

"Well, can you blame me? You acted like you didn't even miss me!"

"So did you!"

"That was /acting!/"

"Then I guess we're both good liars."

"We are, chibi," Dazai says as he finally comes to stand in front of him. It feels so good to have him back in his space, to be able to openly stare at his pretty face and his long lashes without

worrying that he's breached an invisible line. "I'm sick of it, though, and I miss you, and I don't care that you think we have no future. I still want to do this."

They have problems -- serious problems that they'll have to figure out if they want to make this work. /But./

It's going to be so worth it, Chuuya's sure of that now.

"Just come here," he says, barely able to get the words out with that smile on his face before he pulls Dazai down for a kiss.

Later, after a lot of kisses and a lot of orgasms, Chuuya raises a brow as he looks at his walls. "How did you not get tired after ten sticky notes?"

"I had help."

"Oh?"

"I might have bribed my date into helping me for some food."

"Oh my god, you're the worst."

"Heh, that's what he said, too. I think we're going to be friends."

Chuuya just snorts and lets himself be pulled into another kiss. The next day, Dazai helps him get rid of the sticky notes, but the pink one with the magic words on it stays. Forever.

// end