BEFORE HE TWEETS: 5 concrete strategies for reducing toxic masculinity in #medtwitter and in social media and beyond. an introductory guide to emotional literacy and nonviolent communication with an intersectional lens, esp for men. feedback welcome.

volume 1, v0.1.

1a. BYT, ask yourself: which quadrant would i place myself in right now, and which would readers of my tweet place me in? if 1 or 2 for either, consider not tweeting!

instead, take a moment to watch this talk on nonviolent communication (image source):

1b. in particular, "judgments outside" have the potential to really hurt others, particularly when they provoke, amplify, or exacerbate power dynamics that make twitter and life literally dangerous for folks who lack privilege that may not always be at the forefront of your mind.

1c. racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, toxicity toward students, patients--all of these things are lived experiences of many of the folks on #medtwitter and tweets from quad 1 are the main way these violent dynamics are reinforced by those with privilege and power on twitter.

2. BYT, take a needs inventory. why are you on twitter? why are you writing this tweet? nonviolent communication gives us a framework for understanding human relations and communication, and asks us to identify our needs so that we can articulate them to those important to us.

2, ctd. i've adapted this needs inventory from the center for nonviolent communication ( http://cnvc.org ) to try to make it more relevant for social media--although many other needs exist. which needs does twitter/your current tweet serve for you?

2, ctd. by working to identify your unmet needs, we are beginning to undo what can be a really dangerous habituation, which we all have to some degree, to blame or judge others or ourselves when our unmet needs raise feelings that are unpleasant for us.

3. BYT, take an inventory of your feelings. what are you feeling right now, and what does writing this tweet make you feel? if it's one of the below, you may have unmet needs worth articulating to yourself before you tweet. (from http://transformativeinquiry.ca , http://cnvc.org )

4. BYT, practice restating your tweet using an nvc framework, which includes observations, feelings/needs, and requests, rather than demands and judgments. this takes a lot of time and patience. part of observation is listening with empathy, which is hard.

4, ctd. if you are looking for some concrete examples of how to do this, i encourage you to check out Robyn Short's short, brilliant guide on compassionate communication in the workplace, which uses principles of NVC: https://www.robynshort.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Compassionate-Communication-in-the-Workplace.pdf

4, ctd. once you have practiced, try listening to others with empathy, which in NVC means listening for feelings. i love short's list of things we often do that we *think* are listening, but in which we may have reverted back to tending to our own needs rather than listening.

5. BYT, ask yourself, does this conversation need my voice, and does this audience likely want to hear from me now? there are times to step up and to step back. often TIME can change how we feel about this. consider taking 30 min off twitter before you fire your tweet off.

thanks for reading! one last thing: there are lots of needs that social media can't meet, like the needs for sleep, touch, water--but these needs, when unmet, can and do influence how we interact online. that's one reason these exercises/NVC can be so elucidating. try it out!

p.s. you can use these strategies in everyday life, too. it's hard work but we are up to the task and owe it to our friends and community