Being a submissive is hard: An essay in tweets, please read the whole thing, if you read any of it.

So to start, I want to make one thing clear - dominance and submission are not inherently sexual concepts, as often as they are involved in sex. 1/22

Nor are they inherently concepts that extend only to sexual situations. It's also not easy to say anyone is pure dom or pure sub, because there's a spectrum as with many other things, including bratty subs, weak doms, et cetera. 2/22

So with that on the mind, where I sit on the spectrum is kind of unique. I am:

A: A extreme submissive personality

B: Not the shy, quiet person you would expect

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What does this mean, precisely? Well, it means that I am seriously desperate to both serve and entertain, pretty much all of the time. I don't just WANT to be useful, I literally NEED to be useful to function.

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But at the same time, I am often loud. I try desperately to provide entertainment. I'm what some might classify as a 'service and entertainment' type submissive personality for clarity. I am shy, but about EXTREMELY specific things.

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I'll take my shirt off in a group of people if it seems like the right thing to do at the time, but god forbid I say something even slightly possibly wrong, because I will hide under a rock forever, nearly in tears, silent. It will take a lot of time to recover.

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I require instructions to function. My dom provides them daily. Inside of that framework, I can flourish, provided they are enforced - and here comes what's confusing about me as a submissive, and why so many people misapprehend me.

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I need to know these rules and frameworks are in place and I WILL test them. I can't help it, unless it is made clear to me that the frameworks are in place. This does not usually extend to rules in chats or whatever, I'm not that kind of brat, but-

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You could still call me a 'brat' type sub. I am also very much a 'pet' type sub - same hat as 'service and entertainment' type. I want to reiterate that this is not inherently sexual. This is who I am.

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I am not a sub sometimes. I am a submissive personality type, most often described a 'dog' sub-type 'pet - service and entertainment' type submissive personality. Now, here comes the final complex part.

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I want, more than even to be useful, to 'be good.' I want to behave, within the frameworks, rules and instructions provided to me. Not just good, I want to be the 'best' possible. I have extreme anxiety when I think I have not been 'good.'

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I have severe anxiety attacks when I perceive I have misbehaved. It is best often to treat me gently, but not pretend I didn't misbehave. If I did, tell me what I did, tell me why it was wrong, and make it clear apology or whatever punishment is expected.

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Being a submissive personality in this world is hard and painful. We live in a society that rams into us that we all have to be leaders. People like me get trampled and abused for simply being submissive personalities. It's seen as a bad thing.

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People often don't realize they behave this way. They act as if you are somehow insulting the world and everyone around you if you just want to be a good little dog who does what you're told.

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People also often assume that means I will do anything anyone tells me. That is not true. I am a person. Submissive people have free will. We can choose who we listen to and who we don't. We're not inherently prepped to let ourselves be abused.

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But we are more vulnerable to it. It's something that, if society weren't so leader-focused, we might learn about young and be able to combat more effectively without help - but instead, we're beaten down and told from the get go that we are bad.

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This also promotes a culture of very negative personalities, a lot of self hatred and self-effacing behavior, and a lot more. People also assume we CANNOT lead, but may submissive personalities ARE leaders of a sort, because-

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Often, proper leadership is 'service from the top.' Some submissive personalities can be happy in those roles. I have been, rarely, in the past. For those of you who have a submissive personality type... and for those who don't, please take the following to heart.

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It is okay to not be a dominant personality. You are valid. It is okay to be a dominant personality. You are valid too. We are all valid and need to find ways to coexist and meet everyone's needs, as much as possible, when it's safe to do so.

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It is not valid to denigrate someone for being a submissive personality. It is not okay to just treat them like anyone else, and expect them to be okay, especially extreme submissive personalities. It's not okay, also, to use your personality to-

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-unduely demand things of others when you have no right. It's not valid to inflict undue dominance on others, nor is it valid to try to force dominance from others as an extreme submissive. It's hard and complicated, and has far more nuance than society likes to allow.

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Thank you for reading and understand this is very personal, but these opinions and theories are based on both experience, the voices of others, and more. I hope you learned something, and remember, I love you. I am a 'dog' after all. It's what dogs do.

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