[TW: abuse]

I'm not 'too sensitive' or 'always angry;' my emotions aren't manipulative; and I can trust my perceptions of reality.

...but growing up with ADHD means an internalized sense that I'm wrong about that.

So, let's talk about internalized gaslighting & being ND. /1

Gaslighting is an emotional manipulation technique where someone causes you to question your perception of reality.

It can take many forms, but can involve someone telling you you're overreacting, not remembering things correctly, or imagining things. (2/14)

A lot of neurodivergent folks (including ADHD and/or autistic folks) are really susceptible to gaslighting...

...because we've been hearing a lot of these common gaslighting phrases our entire lives! (3/14)

ADHD and/or autistic children often have their sensory sensitivities ignored or trivialized.

Something as simple as "It's not that bad" or "There's nothing to cry about" denies our experiences, our feelings, and our perception of reality. (4/14)

When neurodivergent children find something hard other's find easy, the adults around them often deny their struggles.

"See? That wasn't hard was it?"
"If Billy can do it, so can you"
"It's easy, see?"

(5/14)

Meltdowns are minimized as tantrums; big emotions are labelled overreactions, and persistent big emotions are considered problems with us, not our barriers.

The big, fast emotions of ND kids are often dismissed or minimized and the problems causing them are ignored. (6/14)

By now, the pattern may be becoming clear: often these comments are directed at the very real symptoms we experience being neurodivergent in the first place.

Many of us DO struggle with short-term memory, attention, emotional regulation, and movement, for example. (7/14)

These comments pinpoint the areas where we are different from the neurotypical world around us; they highlight our symptoms and our barriers.

At the same time, they trivialize these same symptoms and barriers by describing them as personal choices or defects. (8/14)

Many times, these comments aren't intended as emotional manipulation (though sometimes they are)*, but the pattern and effect is the same:

They make us doubt our understanding of the world, our reactions to it, and our emotions about it. (9/14)

This is gaslighting.

This frequent, early experience with gaslighting normalizes it, making it harder for us to spot and harder for us to avoid.

...no wonder neurodivergent folks are so susceptible to it. (10/14)

Worst of all, though, these frequent, early experiences with gaslighting cause us to internalize the techniques.

We start to believe them, and we start to use them on ourselves.

We start to self-gaslight. (11/14)

Without prompting, a lot of neurodivergent folks start to see their reactions as too big, too intense, or too dramatic.

We question our memory of events and our responses to them. We blame ourselves and use our perceived failings as proof of our malicious intent. (12/14)

The thing is... it's not true.

Neurodivergent people don't have a weaker grasp on reality, we experience it differently.

We don't overreact to our barriers, we feel and express distress sooner and that distress is proportional our pain and our struggle. (13/14)

So, in case you're neurodivergent and you need to hear it:

Your symptoms are real.
Your reactions are rational.
And most of us don't have malicious intent.

Hold on to your understanding of reality and your experience. Don't let anyone push you from that. (14/14)

Side notes:

* It's really disturbing how accepted it is for adults to manipulate children