Actually, di ko kinakaya yung mga photos with ex. Although I think I still have some left on FB. Umaappear in Memories sometimes. Happy memories naman. Pero di ko na kailangang itago kaya burado na.

When I was still hurting, I knew I had to throw out some of the things he left in the house—like a pair of boxers and a shirt. Inaamoy-amoy ko pa dati. When the time came I had to finally throw them away, derecho sa basurahan. Di ko na sinilip. Kinabukasan, nilagnat ako.

Felt better after that episode. Even all the small notes, gone. I just couldn’t throw away a framed keepsake he gave me from a foreign trip. He signed it at the back. I was only able to hang it on the wall after we split up. It looked good.

I’m pretty fine now, I guess, especially after we patched things up last October, when he reached out to say he’s happy with all my successes. Sadly, hindi pa rin daw siya okay, and at some point, I prepared myself to take him back. Gladly, we didn’t have to go there.

Narealize ko, parang nag-iba na rin yung feelings ko. Na okay na ako na wala na kami after three years of being together. Na happy naman ako having rekindled my fundamental relationship with myself. The pandemic forced me to care for myself.

Funny, because I think, I learned a lot about self-care this year through at least four or five online courses and my esoteric practices. All in the name of getting better.

I still think of the ex sometimes, siyempre nag-aalala ako because of his temperament, but I have come to terms with the fact that our years together have already served their purpose. I forgive him, and I also forgive myself.

About photos: I was simply bad at taking them, and he was really a good photographer. So maybe that’s also the reason why there were only a few photos of us in my files. Most of them, siya pa ang kumuha. Nagseselfie nga siya sa phone ko dati .

Those were wonderful images that I would definitely keep in my heart, even after I have sent them into virtual ether. They all captured an old happiness that had come and gone, because perhaps, new ones are about to arrive.

10-year gap pala kami ni ex. Hehe. In case you’re curious.