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Okay so I've been sitting here really FLAMINGLY FURIOUS at a colleague who I consider at least a good acquaintance, if not a friend, about his cistastic insistence that it's appropriate and NECESSARY to use @TheElliotPage's deadname. But rather than continuing to be mad... 
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... I'm gonna talk about why that's really bad and terrible and hopefully get through a couple of cis skulls tonight.
First of all, it's NEVER appropriate for someone who isn't the trans person in question to decide that it's "necessary" to deadname someone.
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First of all, it's NEVER appropriate for someone who isn't the trans person in question to decide that it's "necessary" to deadname someone.
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Barring legal documents which must contain all aliases or someone's current legal name, there's just no reason for a third party to deadname someone.
If I choose for some reason to use my deadname, that's MY choice.
You don't get to make that choice FOR me.
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If I choose for some reason to use my deadname, that's MY choice.
You don't get to make that choice FOR me.
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"But we need clarity! How are people to know?"
List the roles he's known for.
Link to his Wikipedia page.
Link to his IMDB page.
If Netflix can update the Metadata on every show he's on, you can figure it out. & if you can't, his body of work didn't matter that much to you!
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List the roles he's known for.
Link to his Wikipedia page.
Link to his IMDB page.
If Netflix can update the Metadata on every show he's on, you can figure it out. & if you can't, his body of work didn't matter that much to you!
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But let me add another layer on to this, one which I think really doesn't occur to a lot of cis people, even though it should:
When you insist that you NEED to deadname Elliot Page, 'just for a little while,' at YOUR discretion... he isn't going to hear that disrespect.
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When you insist that you NEED to deadname Elliot Page, 'just for a little while,' at YOUR discretion... he isn't going to hear that disrespect.
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*He* isn't going to hear you saying, "well *I* know better than they do which is the right name for them," which is essentially what you're saying: that you, a random cis person, know better than him by which name he should be known, and for how long.
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You know who DOES hear when you say "but we need to use that deadname a little longer, at our cis discretion"?
Every trans person you know.
Every trans person you know hears you say "if *I* think it's right, I'll deadname you. If *I* think I have reason."
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Every trans person you know.
Every trans person you know hears you say "if *I* think it's right, I'll deadname you. If *I* think I have reason."
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Every trans person you know just heard "I'm not a safe person for you to be around, bc I think your identity isn't up to you. I think that you are not the final arbiter of your name. I think that *I* get a say in the practicality of when it's 'right' to use which name."
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And now every trans person you know is asking themself: did they deadname me when I'm not there? If someone didn't recognize my new name & asked them, would they say "oh, you know Spider, they're the mermaid-obsessed disabled Jewish enby who always plays shapeshifters," 9/
"They're the one who wrote the Aesir section in Titanomachy, the BSG fanatic, the one who owns NerdyKeppie."
Would they find EVERY WAY to NOT deadname me? Would they REFUSE to deadname me? Is my true name safe in their mouth?
These are the questions we ask ourselves now.
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Would they find EVERY WAY to NOT deadname me? Would they REFUSE to deadname me? Is my true name safe in their mouth?
These are the questions we ask ourselves now.
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And the sad thing is, when you make those arguments, you've already answered that question, and we already know that our name isn't safe in your mouth.
You've already told us that your respect for our names is conditional, and if YOU FEEL you need to deadname us, you will.
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You've already told us that your respect for our names is conditional, and if YOU FEEL you need to deadname us, you will.
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If it makes it easier for you to explain something. To write an article. To talk about us when we're not there.
You'll deadname us, if it's easier on you.
You've already answered that question.
So we know, now, that our names aren't safe with you. That we aren't.
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You'll deadname us, if it's easier on you.
You've already answered that question.
So we know, now, that our names aren't safe with you. That we aren't.
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If you are focused on allying with us even when it makes things slightly less convenient for you, then asking you to work just a little harder in talking about trans people so that you can somehow manage to identify an Oscar-nominated individual WITHOUT using his deadname?
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We shouldn't even have to ask. Because if we do, and if we have to ARGUE with you about it?
You are focused not on what's right, on what's respectful, on what's correct, but on what's easier FOR YOU.
And that it hurts us comes second, at best, to your convenience.
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You are focused not on what's right, on what's respectful, on what's correct, but on what's easier FOR YOU.
And that it hurts us comes second, at best, to your convenience.
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Hopefully I don't have to actually sit here and explain why that fact means we now know we can't trust you, and if you want us to trust you, you have to put the sacrosanct fact of OUR NAMES above your minor inconvenience.
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Please note: I'm not going to debate this, and I'm VERY free with the block button.
Devil's Advocacy is boring. Don't bother.
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Devil's Advocacy is boring. Don't bother.
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