Patriarchy conditions black women to self neglect and offer service to others beyond themselves. It’s almost as if their womanhood is measured by their servanthood. Eventually they get used to this & normalize it. When last did your mom spoil herself with a new dress & shoes?

My grandmother was a typical example. She struggled to spend on herself without thinking about groceries. I understand that this also had to do with her maternal instinct but generally she neglected herself to serve others. It was almost as if spending on herself was a crime.

Black women in general are conditioned this way- to put themselves last and others before them. I keep seeing this in different generations in my family. It doesn’t matter how well off or modern they can be. There is always that element of self neglect & our culture promotes it.

So give black women a break and spoil them when you can. Let her breathe & enjoy the good life. Oh! They also struggle to enjoy being spoilt because they somehow feel unworthy of the soft life. All they know, is to labour and serve. That’s what a good woman does after all, right?

So give your mother that facebeat, give those wrinkled hands and hardened feet a manicure and pedicure. Introduce her to fine dining. Buy her perfume. Take her away from her village for once, remove that doek and do her hair. Help her take a break and just LIVE.