(Cont. of Below) LXC parts his lips, finding himself without an answer to a question he never expected to be asked. Ever since their wedding night, he and JC has been all but living separate lives, and LXC has been taking https://twitter.com/cafedeollas/status/1333631742800928771?s=20

all his meals in the main hall which required silence, if only to easier go back to attend his duties. But if he were truly honest, he did it to avoid being alone with the man he married, feeling so lost and confused at the emotions that surge through him upon

seeing JC in his home, deep-colored eyes focused on his letters and missives, only greeting LXC with the courtesy common from any disciple, his hair pulled up into a bun tied with purple ribbon, a contrast to half updo he wore on their

wedding day when raven hair had flower down to his small waist. He remembers the first time he saw JC in his new uniform, a symbolized union of thier sects, and the unease LXC felt upon seeing the lotus embroidered upon white,

his mind unable to comprehend the petals that were nowhere near the shape of a peony. The unease turned into something heavier, and LXC had to tear his eyes away to calm the knot in his chest. Even though he hardly

interacted with JC before, LXC felt the need to steer clear of him at all cost, the same knotting ball of confusion and unease settling in him each time he saw JC at a distance, growing more and more when he sees him interact with

the disciples, the elders, unable to really reply to their praise of his husband and congratulating LXC over and over again at his choice (as if this was his choice to begin with). LXC knows whatever it is he's feeling is unconducive to his marriage, knows

that his distance is doing nothing to help settle into his new reality, but he cannot begin to unravel this feeling, not even knowing where to start in the confusion. So he greets his husband during meals, bids him goodnight in the hanshi, and escapes whenever he can,

doing everything to avoid confronting this union. But now, his Uncle is looking at him expectedly, brows furrowed and growing more displeased at every passing second, he feels like his family is becoming privy to his

anguish at this face of this marriage, because LXC is attentive, he's generous, he's kind, but for whatever reason, something is keeping him from showing any of this to a husband who seems to be integrating himself

into his clan without LXC's help or assistance, and something about that knowledge makes LXC...afraid.

LXC is afraid of his husband.

Which is not something one should realize in front of

their family, not when he still needs to figure out /why/.

"He, that is," LXC begins, and he sees the near surprise in both their expressions at his hesitance. "We didn't

get to talk this morning." He can see LWJ feels his answer to be strange, and light amber eyes grow pensive as if reassessing something he hadn't realized before. LQR on the other hand frowns, placing his cup down with a soft clink.

"JWY has been focused on preparing the CR for the visiting dignitaries and clan leaders these past few days," LQR says, and LXC blinks.

"Days?" He asks,and now he can make out the clear concern crossing his Uncle's face.

Silence falls among the three for a moment, all three unsure on how to move forward, and what LXC's question implies about how his relationship with JC is like. LQR finally sighs and looks back at LXC with a straight back and firm voice. "Do not forget, Yunmeng Jiang

is an important ally. If nothing else, Xichen, JWY is your ally. You concern yourself with your ally, understand your ally, so that in the face of adversity you stand strong together." LXC swallows down hard, knows he's being reprimanded. LQR picks up his cup again, looking at

that instead. "Go bring your husband, Xichen. Tell him we need to discuss this as a family."

Something about the sentence strikes LXC, but he hides it when he bows, wills his heart to stop beating so loud

in his ears, and he somehow he's suddenly at the guests quarters, no memory of his walk there, something in him winding and winding and winding, stretching to its limit, and he's unable to calm his mind, calm

his spirit, when his eyes finally land on the white and purple figure of JC, talking to the disciples assisting him in the preparations. They haven't noticed LXC just yet, not when JC is there, not when all their attention and

focus is on the beautiful man, with eyes so deeply blue you could almost think they're actually amethyst, with a lithe figure covered in robes that hide the body of a Jiang swordmaster, his style meant to flow like the river of their home, meant to overwhelm you as

it rises and drowns you as you watch. LXC watches, feeling like he is seeing the entire interaction and conversation outside of his body.

He's slammed violently back down to earth when suddenly, his usual stern-faced husband smiles, and his

whole world shatters when suddenly crinkling eyes and wide smile turn into laughter, slowly rising in its sweetness and strength until he's laughing, and laughing, hand covering his pink lips, and everyone is laughing along with this Lotus that's making it's home

among the clouds......

And LXC /snaps/.

"Loud noises are prohibited in the Cloud Recesses."

His voice rings out, his voice so much stronger than he anticipated, his eyebrows furrowed, jaw rigid, and all the disciples nearly jump back in their shock, all laugher immediate silenced. They all scramble to bow and

acknowledge him at last, even JC who looks concerned. He steps forward, and LXC fights the urge to step back.

"Sect Leader Lan, please forgive us, we did not see-"

"Is this the example you set for the rest of the clan?" LXC cuts him off sharply, and everyone is surprised, even JC falters back, but LXC does not stop.

"Is this what they're learning from you? To blatantly disregard our values and way of life?"

He's angry, he's confused, he's lost, he's furious, he feels like he's being left behind, someone isn't telling him something, he missed all the answers and is failing an exam he never studied for but feels like he should /know/.

LXC sees when JC's eyes turn stormy, his jaw tightening, his chin rising minutely, but he doesn't say anything. But LXC still can't stop.

"Do not forget your place, Jiang-gongzi, you are not a Lan by birth but you must still set the example to

everyone around us, not bring us down with improprieties and behaviors and ideas that /do not belong here/."

This time, blue eyes widen, and JC steps back. LXC exhales, but the silence is different this time.

With a stuttered breath he finally remembers where they are again, remembers they are not alone. Glancing behind JC are still the disciples, starting with various degrees of shock. None of them have ever seen their sect leader

like this; furious, unkind, words scalding and cruel. Suddenly LXC realizes just what exactly he said to his husband, his new husband, in front of all these disciples, humiliating him in a way that LXC thought he was ever

capable of; but he did, he just did it, and now his husband is staring at him like he's....like he's....

"Apologies, Sect Leader Lan," JC's voice says, breaking the tense and awful silence. He bows to him, and he turns around to the disciples. His voice doesn't

waver, face no longer flashing in pain, LXC almost thinks he made it up. In fact, JC's back is strong, his head is held high, and LXC has never felt lower. "My husband is right, you must not forget yourselves as Gusu Lan

disciples. Forgive this Jiang for leading you astray with his lack of decorum. My standards were never so high, hardly at the level of the clouds."

The disciples look lost, concern deep in their brows and they want to say something, but they stay silent in fear

of a clan leader who's now looking disturbingly fractured. JC asks them to continue the preparations, that he has other duties to attend to. They readily agree, all watching the sect leader's husband walk away with his head held high, not excusing himself from SL Lan.

The moment he's gone from sight, they slowly make their way back to work, each disciple quietly mumbling their take from the SL who has not moved from his place. In fact, time passes when someone finally calls out to him.

"Brother?"

LXC slowly turns back, and LWJ eyes widen at the expression on his face. He moves over to him, looking over at him.

"Brother," LWJ says again. "What has happened?"

LXC lips part, but it's moments before he could finally say anything.

"Wangji...your brother has made a terrible, terrible mistake. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to redeem myself from this."

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GUYS PLS!!!!! I mean we all knew this wasn't gonna be easy okay mistakes are going to be made because human feelings are messy and have no rationale to them and no one in this story knows how to handle them so!! sorry if like, this was too much and turned

you off from the Xicheng, but my goal here is to really make their relationship real and even stronger than if has just been easy and don't worry about JC, he's going to get his say