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I don't know who needs to hear this, but hyper-independence is the result of trauma.
"I don't need *anybody* & must do everything myself" really means, "My ability to trust has been injured by people systemically letting me down and failing me."
You do need people. We all do.
"I don't need *anybody* & must do everything myself" really means, "My ability to trust has been injured by people systemically letting me down and failing me."
You do need people. We all do.
Trying to seem "tough" & never need anything from ppl is no way to live. It can't make you invulnerable, like you want it to. It isolates you from the support you need (we all need).
It's ok to ask for help, even if others don't see why you need it. They don't need to. You do.
It's ok to ask for help, even if others don't see why you need it. They don't need to. You do.
Toxic people & cultures will mock you for needing help & asking for it. They don't want you do build connections or community.
They want you to think you have to go it alone— bc you're weaker that way. More susceptible to abuse.
They want you to think you have to go it alone— bc you're weaker that way. More susceptible to abuse.
Toxic people & cultures LOATHE it most when you actually get the help & support you need. If they can't keep you from GETTING the resources, they'll do the next best thing— SHAME you for getting/ needing support (even though we all do).
Don't let their shame take hold.
Don't let their shame take hold.
After I was excommunicated from the Mormon Church everyone asked how they could help.
Trauma taught me to be fiercely independent (bc my trust had been violently betrayed).
When I finally did ask for help, I did a GoFundMe for a laptop. I was living in Africa & mine broke.
Trauma taught me to be fiercely independent (bc my trust had been violently betrayed).
When I finally did ask for help, I did a GoFundMe for a laptop. I was living in Africa & mine broke.
Mormons & X-Mormons alike tried to make my request for help a major scandal. They called it "LaptopGate" 
& called the press. Some still rant about it to this day (this was years ago).
But, I learned an imp lesson. Toxic ppl will always try to shame you for asking for help.
& called the press. Some still rant about it to this day (this was years ago).But, I learned an imp lesson. Toxic ppl will always try to shame you for asking for help.
In order to be a full, healthy functioning human you have to be able to realize when you need support & have the confidence in yourself to ask for it.
Needing help & support is not weakness. It's human.
Shaming people for it is.
/fin
Needing help & support is not weakness. It's human.
Shaming people for it is.
/fin
LOL addendum:
I forgot that @KUTV2News did actually cover the "scandal"
Among the choice shaming quotes: "So Kate found some fame & uses it to ask for an expensive laptop?! I guess beggars can be choosers #tacky"
— @JansonGoodrich April 23, 2015 https://kutv.com/news/local/kate-kelly-creates-gofundme-for-personal-laptop
I forgot that @KUTV2News did actually cover the "scandal"
Among the choice shaming quotes: "So Kate found some fame & uses it to ask for an expensive laptop?! I guess beggars can be choosers #tacky"
— @JansonGoodrich April 23, 2015 https://kutv.com/news/local/kate-kelly-creates-gofundme-for-personal-laptop
So glad I didn't let that shame-tsunami keep me isolated & painfully "independent" for life!
Ask for help if you need it, folks! Focus more on those who are there, ready & willing to give it, than those who want to strip you of your dignity just for being a vulnerable human
Ask for help if you need it, folks! Focus more on those who are there, ready & willing to give it, than those who want to strip you of your dignity just for being a vulnerable human
SO GLAD so many are resonating w this! It hit me like a ton of bricks (in a good way).
I can't respond to everyone, but hope we can all ask for the help we need & find a good therapist (we all need one)!
One way to find a queer-competent provider is: https://www.joinviolet.com/
).I can't respond to everyone, but hope we can all ask for the help we need & find a good therapist (we all need one)!
One way to find a queer-competent provider is: https://www.joinviolet.com/
Another good way to find inclusive therapists is @InclusiveMH where you can find a provider by identify, lived experience, spirituality & much more.
Ask for & find the support you need! https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/
Ask for & find the support you need! https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/
*identity
