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A short story, but long for Twitter. It is likely most of you will not relate. Some may relate very much. It is a very high-level synopsis of a several year period that changed the trajectory of my life. Let's call it "Strange Fire" 0/
Once upon a time, about 25 years ago, in northern Indiana, and long prior to becoming Catholic, my wife and I found our way to a small evangelical church, where I joined the worship band playing bass. It was a great group, and it was a blast. 1/
Quality begat quality as word spread of the "amazing worship" happening there, drawing ever more parishioners, and talented musicians into the fold. One anecdote is representative of the times: the band, asked by the worship pastor on the way through the door to a service – 2/
“could you guys do something while the collection is taken”? We then play a beautiful, bluesy, soulful rendition of Just a Closer Walk with Thee, unrehearsed, agreeing only on the key in advance. We had that kind of talent. 3/
We had studio quality singers, expensive amps, PA, lights, a drama group. Not content to just mimic the standard P&W repertoire, we wrote and performed originals as well. We did studio recordings, made professional videos, all in all, an artistic extravaganza. 4/
God appeared to be doing a wonderful work, leading to a building expansion, added services, and about 1000-1500 people/week in attendance. Every week it seemed, “the show” had to out-do the prior week with ever more imaginative orders of worship, original content, etc. 5/
We rehearsed for several hours a week, making music, sharing prayer & laughter, forming bonds, all while doing “the Lord’s work”. I eventually left my engineering job and started volunteering full time leading the band, and recording and arranging music. 6/
We formed a 2nd band/singer/tech team so we could alternate Sundays, the 3 services a week too taxing for one group. Those were heady days. I truly believe I saw God at work, although the spiritual warfare was palpable, like I’ve not personally experienced before or since. 7/
Music is powerful, stirring deep emotions, a mistress in its own right. Where do you think these talented folks would rather be – on a date with this musical mistress, or at home in the dreary warp and woof of life, with their tired spouses, dull jobs, and demanding kids? 8/
By and by, the worship pastor fell in with one of the singers, leading to his ouster. I was thus unexpectedly thrust to the helm of this artistic Titanic, my volunteer work turning into a paid position. 9/
In light of what had happened, I attempted to shift the focus from performance quality to the spiritual, worried about the souls of the 75 or so volunteers under my care in the arts department. 10/
Unfortunately, one by one, folks were drawn to improper emotional or physical relationships. A dozen or so over a period of a few years. The artistic staff developed a bunker mentality, and in this environment, I got too close to another staff member. 11/
No actual lines were crossed but the optics were terrible, and caused pain to many, not least my wife, and eventually led to my own departure. In the end, even the senior pastor left his wife, took up with one of the singers, and left the ministry. 12/
It has been 20 years since I left, and it's taken much of that time to recover. I'm thankful for the experience as it was part of the journey toward my conversion to Catholicism, but the pain was deeply intense and lasting. 13/
I saw extremely gifted people fall from positions of respect, saw families divided, divorces. So much pain. Here’s a theory as to what happened: 14/
We sought to serve God in our own way, like Cain, bringing an unacceptable offering to God. Another analogy: Nadab and Abihu offering "strange fire" before the Lord (Lev 10:1-2). Our ministry, like those two sons of Aaron, was consumed by fire. 15/
Our intentions were good, our prayers fervent, our faith genuine, but freelancing worship wasn't what God wanted. When we try to "do Church" as the evangelicals say, on our own terms, we are treading where we do not belong. 16/
God has ordained the manner in which he is to be worshiped. Where once it was priests offering sacrifices in the Temple, it is now the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. 17/
I believe bad things happen when we mess with God’s plans for worship. Is it perhaps a reason for the tumult that has happened in the Church since the Mass was altered? Simplistic to apply my experience to the broader Church, but it does give me pause. 18/
So that's an overview of my tale. If you made it to the end. Thank you for your patience! May God bless you.
A Former Worship Pastor
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A Former Worship Pastor
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