Read on Twitter
THREAD: Three weeks ago, I was in the middle of by far the best and worst week of my life.
I have a rule about not discussing personal stuff on Twitter, but I'm going to make an exception because I want to talk about a few things I thought a lot about during and since.
I have a rule about not discussing personal stuff on Twitter, but I'm going to make an exception because I want to talk about a few things I thought a lot about during and since.
I should start by saying this story had a happy ending, so let's start with that.
Meet Charlie! He was born Nov. 6 at 6 lbs., 14 oz. of pure Tacoma awesomeness.
You're invited to the Oscar/NFL MVP/Nobel Prize celebration parties in a few years.
We love him endlessly.
Meet Charlie! He was born Nov. 6 at 6 lbs., 14 oz. of pure Tacoma awesomeness.
You're invited to the Oscar/NFL MVP/Nobel Prize celebration parties in a few years.
We love him endlessly.
Now for the hard part.
I walked out of our house Nov. 5 thinking about how there would be three of us when we walked back in. But many times in the days that followed, I thought that number might be two or even one.
I walked out of our house Nov. 5 thinking about how there would be three of us when we walked back in. But many times in the days that followed, I thought that number might be two or even one.
In a plot twist no writer would dream of putting on paper, the pandemic very likely saved my wife and son's life.
Because of COVID, @thekelsielane's midwife ordered her a blood pressure cuff for virtual appointments. She checked it daily and noticed her BP was trending up.
Because of COVID, @thekelsielane's midwife ordered her a blood pressure cuff for virtual appointments. She checked it daily and noticed her BP was trending up.
She called her midwife, who didn't think much of it but ordered some labs to soothe her nerves.
When the labs came back, the numbers pointed to something called Hellp syndrome.
When the labs came back, the numbers pointed to something called Hellp syndrome.
We Googled it and immediately wished we hadn't.
The first result showed the mortality rate is as high as 30% for moms and maybe even worse for infants.
Some families are forced to make the most difficult choice in the world
The first result showed the mortality rate is as high as 30% for moms and maybe even worse for infants.
Some families are forced to make the most difficult choice in the world
From what I understand, Hellp causes the placenta to attack the liver and kills off the mom's blood platelets, which are what allow your blood to clot.
Many moms hemorrhage during labor.
Many moms hemorrhage during labor.
It can cause a mom's liver, kidney and lungs to fail.
Our hospital bill, which is at $66,000 and climbing (we have insurance, thank God), describes it as "severe liver disease."
Our hospital bill, which is at $66,000 and climbing (we have insurance, thank God), describes it as "severe liver disease."
The only cure is delivery because it gets the placenta out, so we went to the hospital so Kelsie could be induced.
It took about 30 hours but felt like years as we watched her platelet counts plummet further when they drew blood every few hours.
It took about 30 hours but felt like years as we watched her platelet counts plummet further when they drew blood every few hours.
By the time the big moment arrived, there were 10+ people and a hemorrhage cart in the room.
But Charlie arrived at 4:41 p.m. without incident, and two prouder parents you've never met.
But Charlie arrived at 4:41 p.m. without incident, and two prouder parents you've never met.
Kelsie's next round of labs came back quickly and showed improved numbers so we breathed a sigh of relief and moved into celebration mode.
Unfortunately, we weren't out of the woods yet.
Unfortunately, we weren't out of the woods yet.
A day later, her numbers started dropping again. The day after that, they were way, way down. Like, WAY down.
They finally dropped so low, her nose began to bleed spontaneously. We grew very, very worried about Kelsie's liver.
They finally dropped so low, her nose began to bleed spontaneously. We grew very, very worried about Kelsie's liver.
Finally, the doctors decided on a platelet transfusion.
Apparently it's not common. Our RN said she'd never seen or performed one and called another RN in to watch because they found it so novel.
Yikes.
Apparently it's not common. Our RN said she'd never seen or performed one and called another RN in to watch because they found it so novel.
Yikes.
But it did the trick. Late that night, things finally levelled off. And two days later, we came home.
Friends, let me tell you something: You never want to be in so much danger the hospital staff starts breaking rules for you.
But our RN worked the phones and convinced management to bend internal COVID protocols and allow Kelsie's mom to come visit for a couple hours.
But our RN worked the phones and convinced management to bend internal COVID protocols and allow Kelsie's mom to come visit for a couple hours.
Your wife is very sick," the RN told me. "She needs to see her mom. Now.”
Which leads me to something I learned about doctors. When you ask them if your wife is going to live and they don't know the answer, they will instead say "well, that's the plan."
Kelsie became the talk of the hospital.
Our midwife will be 70 next month and has been at this more than 40 years. She said Kelsie's was the craziest case she's had in her career.
Our midwife will be 70 next month and has been at this more than 40 years. She said Kelsie's was the craziest case she's had in her career.
Our RN, a 70 year old former Army nurse, worked a 12 hour shift overnight Saturday.
She was so worried, she went home and slept a few hours, then came back six hours early and worked another 18 hours straight.
She was so worried, she went home and slept a few hours, then came back six hours early and worked another 18 hours straight.
When you’re awake for six days straight, you have a lot of time to think. And when you’re in that place mentally, you think about some dark things.
Specifically, I thought about infant mortality rates.
Did you know Black infants die at 2.3 times the rate of white infants in the U.S.?
If you for some reason think racism in the U.S. doesn't have devastating effects, think hard about that.
Did you know Black infants die at 2.3 times the rate of white infants in the U.S.?
If you for some reason think racism in the U.S. doesn't have devastating effects, think hard about that.
We had access to amazing healthcare providers. Many moms don’t. And extensive research shows some doctors tend to not listen to Black women.
Add those things up and the abundance of caution that saved my family might not be offered to a family that isn’t white.
Add those things up and the abundance of caution that saved my family might not be offered to a family that isn’t white.
We also benefited from Kelsie’s longtime belief you need to advocate for yourself in healthcare settings.
Full disclosure: I downplayed her high BP a bit. I thought it was simply work stress + election stress + being 37 weeks pregnant.
Full disclosure: I downplayed her high BP a bit. I thought it was simply work stress + election stress + being 37 weeks pregnant.
But Kelsie is smart and confident and called her midwife even though she worried she was being dramatic.
Had she hesitated for even a day or two, things almost certainly would've been very different.
Had she hesitated for even a day or two, things almost certainly would've been very different.
Finally: Please, schedule time to donate blood.
I can’t put into words the gratitude I felt when the RN brought in that bag of platelets. I would've traded my life for that bag.
One of our neighbors took the time to make that donation, and my family is whole as a result.
I can’t put into words the gratitude I felt when the RN brought in that bag of platelets. I would've traded my life for that bag.
One of our neighbors took the time to make that donation, and my family is whole as a result.
Coincidentally, a few weeks before this happened, I donated for the first time. As soon as we got home, I scheduled an appointment.
Pretty please, with sugar on top, take a minute to schedule a time (and I’d love it if you told me you did so): https://schedule.bloodworksnw.org/DonorPortal/Default.aspx
Pretty please, with sugar on top, take a minute to schedule a time (and I’d love it if you told me you did so): https://schedule.bloodworksnw.org/DonorPortal/Default.aspx
A couple more small asks. First, you can and should read more about medical racism: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/racism-discrimination-health-care-providers-patients-2017011611015
Serena Williams talked about her own experience with this: https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/identities/2018/1/11/16879984/serena-williams-childbirth-scare-black-women
Serena Williams talked about her own experience with this: https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/identities/2018/1/11/16879984/serena-williams-childbirth-scare-black-women
And please follow @everymomcounts. I think if we all had a regular reminder of those awful infant mortality discrepancies, we might all be a little more motivated to recognize and call out racism.
I don't know if we'll ever process the emotions we lived through.
I don't know if any trip through the front door will feel quite as good as our return home.
But I do know our house is full of love and nothing will ever be the same.
I don't know if any trip through the front door will feel quite as good as our return home.
But I do know our house is full of love and nothing will ever be the same.
