Part of what makes me so sad about Evangelicalism is the way it showed up for Trump, a literal Frankenstein made from evangelicals worst stated sins, in a way it never showed up for me - even when I was trying very hard to live their holy life.
My sins were never lionized as “strong leadership” or “signs of a godly leader” - they were viewed and treated as evidence that I was deeply flawed and weak.
I realize now that my “flaw” was actually giving a shit and trying. I truly tried to live the holy life and I was honest when I failed - I didn’t realize the game was about who could publicly pretend the best and be the most shameless in their hypocrisy
For example - as a Christian whose primary “sin” was becoming “liberal” - it’s far more likely that my conservative friends who got caught in lies, abuse, affairs, and worse - will be offered endless opportunities for redemption and to share their story.
They will retire as “pastors” and “missionaries” not because of their deep goodness, but because of their ambition and skill at the mental and political games required to keep reciting the bankrupt script to an addicted audience.
The cost of personal growth is the betrayal of the co-dependent community that originally set you on a path.