Thread by @elle_oftheball, One of these days we need to have an honest discussion about [...]

One of these days we need to have an honest discussion about the difference between the myth of “male socialization” and the reality that, while everybody, regardless of gender, has internalized misogyny to grapple with, some—cis and trans both—unlearn it much later

(1/?)

This means: TMA folk can act in ways that are just as misogynistic as anyone else, regardless of gender.

BUT—that’s not the result of being “raised male”, it’s the product of growing up in an insidious patriarchal society that normalizes itself in its subjects’ minds (2/?)

Examples of this in trans communities can be easy to find.

For example: I’ve personally received a lot of vitriol for “throwing away” some kind of idealized version of the ‘quiet, passing trans girl’ to embrace something a lot more fluid and honest with myself (3/?)

This type of misogyny lies in feeling entitled to some idealized gender performance, which ironically also parallels much of the TERF vitriol against transmasculine folk—go figure. It assumes subjects you have at some point categorized as “female” owe you that performance.

(4/?)

It also affects my more binary sisters—almost every day I see trans women make attempts to regulate and “correct” the presentations of others in the community (i.e: telling them to smile in pictures, or to wear more dresses, etc). All this stems from that same entitlement

(5/?)

Here’s the thing:

This phenomenon isn’t about being raised a certain gender. It’s that everyone (at least within a Western context, I won’t speak outside of this) is raised sexist.

It’s not “male socialization”: it’s misogynistic socialization, and it affects everyone

(6/?)

Don’t believe me? How many times have you heard a cis woman say something like this:

- “Isn’t that a little young for you?”
- “That doesn’t really flatter your body type.”
- “That print is a bit much, isn’t it?”
- “Do you really want to be taller than your boyfriend?”

(7/?)

All of these are women policing each other’s gender(ed) presentation based on oppressive/misogynistic standards exactly like the ones I’ve outlined within trans communities. It’s the exact same misogyny as play, and none of them were “raised male”—something else is at play

(8/?)

To take this a step further, I’d argue TERFism is the ultimate example of this: it isn’t only pushing misogynistic standards onto women, but declaring yourself the High Arbiter of what those standards might be.

(9/?)

Through history, we’ve seen this same mentality been used to justify categories being set to exclude poor women, or disabled women, or women of colour—it isn’t only the passive misogyny we exert onto peers, but active/oppressive/rooted in privilege OVER the other.

(10/?)

Based on this, one might say that TERFism is more like the misogynistic oppressions men exert over women than the forms we exert overt each other.

And in this case, wouldn’t any discussion of “patriarchal socialization” place cis white women as the highest culprits behind men?

Tl;dr:

We NEED to be able to discuss misogyny in trans* and transfem circles without fear of playing into a “male socialization” narrative which, broken down, reflects on TERFS far more than it does us.

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