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10 ways I learned to negotiate better.
Taken from @VossNegotiation's excellent book: “Never Split The Difference"
A thread.
Part 1 of 2.
Visuals @_unobvious
Taken from @VossNegotiation's excellent book: “Never Split The Difference"
A thread.
Part 1 of 2.
Visuals @_unobvious
We’ve been conditioned to fear the word “No.”
But it is a statement of perception far more often than of fact.
But it is a statement of perception far more often than of fact.
People need to feel in control.
When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas:
-the emotions calm
-the effectiveness of the decisions go up
-the other party can really look at your proposal.
When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas:
-the emotions calm
-the effectiveness of the decisions go up
-the other party can really look at your proposal.
When somebody says no, ask solution-based questions or label their effect.
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What would you need to make it work?"
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What would you need to make it work?"
“It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.”
People have a need to say, “No.”
So don’t just hope to hear it at some point; get them to say it early.
People have a need to say, “No.”
So don’t just hope to hear it at some point; get them to say it early.
But what about "Yes"?
There are actually three kinds of “Yes”: Counterfeit, Confirmation, and Commitment.
There are actually three kinds of “Yes”: Counterfeit, Confirmation, and Commitment.
A counterfeit “yes” is one in which your counterpart plans on saying “no” but either feels “yes” is an easier escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the conversation going to obtain more information or some other kind of edge.
A confirmation “yes” is generally innocent, a reflexive response to a black-or-white question; it’s sometimes used to lay a trap but mostly it’s just simple affirmation with no promise of action.
A commitment “yes” is the real deal; it’s a true agreement that leads to action, a “yes” at the table that ends with a signature on the contract.
You see, everyone you meet is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control.
If you satisfy those drives, you’re in the door.
If you satisfy those drives, you’re in the door.
If you’re trying to sell something, don’t start with:
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Instead ask:
“Is now a bad time to talk?”
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Instead ask:
“Is now a bad time to talk?”
Saying “No” makes the speaker feel safe, secure, and in control, so trigger it.
By saying what they don’t want, your counterpart defines their space and gains the confidence and comfort to listen to you.
By saying what they don’t want, your counterpart defines their space and gains the confidence and comfort to listen to you.
That’s why “Is now a bad time to talk?” is always better than “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Sometimes the only way to get your counterpart to listen and engage with you is by forcing them into a “No.”
Sometimes the only way to get your counterpart to listen and engage with you is by forcing them into a “No.”
That’s it for part 1!
I hoped you enjoyed this.
The next part will be released in a few days.
If you did, help share this amazing advice by liking each tweet and RTing the first one.
I hoped you enjoyed this.
The next part will be released in a few days.
If you did, help share this amazing advice by liking each tweet and RTing the first one.
