The undeniable association between not being able to make money and self worth during this pandemic has seen so many people drown in the flood of their own minds.

I’ve been on a path of reconnecting with old friends. Seeing where their lives have led them to. Seeing how they have grown into these new people. Some are empowered, many depressed. Most just hustling as much as they can.

The married ones who have kids teach me about parenthood and the hardship and beauty it comes with. They teach me what it means to keep pushing on because they’re doing it for more than just themselves now.

The depressed ones are usually down because of money issues. They feel they’ve been fighting against the tide for so long with nothing to show. They feel trapped in a society they didn’t choose to be part of. They persevere but their minds are torn.

The happy ones who have been successful in their ventures are living it all up. Travel to other countries, fine dining in Nairobi, they buy wines worth what I eat for a month. And honestly, I’m happy for them. To know their journey is something special.

We’re all on this pathway through life, just trying to do our best in the circumstances we came in. Just trying to connect the dots and find some peace in whichever way we can. Sometimes I just wish I could tell people that they ain’t alone in their struggles.

I struggle sana with money, self worth, the balance between chaos and peace. I struggle with just putting a picture out there as my mind tells me “it’s not good enough” and I’ve been conditioned by society to think in one way. But creating is peace and where I feel home.

I struggle with money a lot. I’m not good with it. I know I’m capable of making it but not at the expense of my individuality. It sounds stupid, I know. I want to make it the way I want to make it because I’ve done the corporate life before and it ripped up my mind and self.

The choices we make lead us to our mindset. We all have these choices and reconnecting with old friends has allowed me to see the spectrum of how people in my circles think and the fruit of the choices they have made or lack thereof.

After speaking to many friends, I learned that everyone just wants some form of appreciation. That people just want to know that they are seen and appreciated because that’s the main goal isn’t it? To connect and to love and to live fully.

Anyways, the older I get, the more I learn from my friends. From conversations with my parents. From the pursuit of love. From the way I feel in the wild. This pandemic has been a harsh teacher of life.