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Autistic folk and justice- some thoughts.
Its not uncommon for us autistic folk to have a strong sense of justice.
I've always believed this to be a hugely positive characteristic.
However it can become a challenge if it turns inward/
Its not uncommon for us autistic folk to have a strong sense of justice.
I've always believed this to be a hugely positive characteristic.
However it can become a challenge if it turns inward/
Chastising myself for something I phrased badly in 2008.
Percieved mistakes being replayed.
Others seem to be able to be generous with themselves.
Giving myself the 'benefit of the doubt' just doesn't happen.
Its a huge source of anxiety. Processed and processed/
Percieved mistakes being replayed.
Others seem to be able to be generous with themselves.
Giving myself the 'benefit of the doubt' just doesn't happen.
Its a huge source of anxiety. Processed and processed/
Replaying and replaying, searching hazy memories to try and exonerate myself from whatever percieved crime I imagine I'm guilty of.
It is crucial to me that I don't get things wrong. And the anxiety about it can be stifling. It's intense integrity, but it can be stifling./
It is crucial to me that I don't get things wrong. And the anxiety about it can be stifling. It's intense integrity, but it can be stifling./
But here's the thing, I think there's more at play here.
Sure, the intense integrity and strong sense of justice is one thing.
But why can't I give myself 'benefit of the doubt'?
Could it be an accumulation of being made to feel less? Innapropriate? Wrong?/
Sure, the intense integrity and strong sense of justice is one thing.
But why can't I give myself 'benefit of the doubt'?
Could it be an accumulation of being made to feel less? Innapropriate? Wrong?/
Probably. The fact that I doubt myself constantly I feel comes from those experiences diminishing my self esteem.
And the thing is, I think this is a common experience for us autistic folk.
As a result of my experiences, my biggest detractor is myself./
And the thing is, I think this is a common experience for us autistic folk.
As a result of my experiences, my biggest detractor is myself./
in recent times, I've worked hard to be kinder to myself. Self care. Try(!) to show myself the same compassion I'd show anyone else who makes mistakes- cos we're human after all.
But that self doubt/intense integrity/anxiety thing is always in the wings./
But that self doubt/intense integrity/anxiety thing is always in the wings./
And I'm sharing this mostly because those feelings, which I've always referred to as the egg whisk effect, began to whip me up just now. And instead of letting it multiply and feeling that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I wanted to do something about it./
So autistic folk who experience this too, solidarity to you.
If you're out there experiencing this today, you have my love.
As my friend Lynn McCann once said to me "our thoughts are real, but they don't always tell us the truth"/
If you're out there experiencing this today, you have my love.
As my friend Lynn McCann once said to me "our thoughts are real, but they don't always tell us the truth"/
Here's hoping the work we're all doing to bring about understanding/acceptance/celebration of autistic people will mean the next generation of autistic folk wont experience such knocks to their self esteem
Lets also hope that the rest of us can grow to be kinder to ourselves too.
Lets also hope that the rest of us can grow to be kinder to ourselves too.
