Are you an aspiring LNP troll? Want to blame Dan Andrews for Victoria's second wave? Think you've got what it takes to be the next member for Kew Anon?

I've prepared this handy checklist so you too can be prepared for any encounters you may have with Dan Stans!

1/7

First, ignore the "global" part of "global pandemic".
Dismiss the 60 million worldwide cases and 1.3 million deaths as irrelevant.
800 deaths in Victoria, never forget! 800. 800! Repeat it a few times so no one misses it.

2/7

The only jurisdiction you can compare Victoria to is NSW.
Ignore arguments about how infectious the virus was. If it was really that infectious surely NSW would have, er... had infections too!

3/7

Ignore hotel quarantine breaches in NSW (and SA). Dan (and only Dan) stuffed up HQ.
Ruby Princess? Never heard of it!
Treat "counsel assisting" arguments to the inquiry as if they were findings (Hi Rachel!)

4/7

Only deaths in the second wave matter! No one was to blame for any of the other deaths, including aged care deaths in NSW.
Ignore the fact that quarantine is a federal responsibility.
Ignore the fact that most deaths were in federally-regulated aged care.

5/7

Federal Govt were just the bulletproof vest, but Andrews fired the gun (this is a well-used troll argument that's guaranteed to make you look clever)
Don't forget all the suicides caused by lockdown are important (there weren't any, but don't let that stop you!)

6/7

When all else fails, sneak in a reference to CCP / Belt & Road to establish your political cred.

Your career in the LNP awaits!

7/7 & ends.