As our listeners know, @JakeTropila and I love to "run the numbers" on James Bond's two favourite hobbies, murdering people and sexing up broads. And with No Time to Die many months away (at best!) now seems a good time for a status update https://twitter.com/OptimismVaccine/status/1329820825445273600

How many ppl has James Bond killed? Well I'm glad you asked. So far, he has the blood of exactly 400 people on his hands. More really, but I'm only counting on-screen deaths or deaths that can be reasonably inferred from immediately surrounding shots. So, let's run the numbers!

How many people did Sean Connery's James Bond kill? Well, that depends.

On the Broccoli's dime, he killed 70.

But add in unofficial Bond entry Never Say Never Again and that climbs to 74.

George Lazenby's Bond shone only once, but brightly, in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, where he robbed 6 families of their loved ones. Assuming none of the people he killed were related, I guess.

Affable old Uncle James, Roger Moore slaughtered 86 people during a 12 year reign of terror.

Dalton, bringing a new edge to the franchise after Moore, killed 26 across two movies. A lot for the franchise, at least until....

Pierce Brosnan! The 90s saw a general ramping up of unfettered murderousness in PG-13 movies. It's fine so long as no one bleeds, right? In his tenure, Brosnan mowed down a record 118 people.

Enter Daniel Craig. Brooding, unconvincingly alcoholic (maybe convincingly, but if Craig's Bond is an alcoholic then alcoholism looks dope as fuck). He's got one more film in the chamber, but so far Craig has claimed 90 lives.

Now, which Bond kills the most, on average, per film?

- Connery (EON official): 11.67 kills (6 films)
- Connery (total): 10.57 (7 films)
- Lazenby: 6 (1 film)
- Moore: 12.29 (7 films)
- Dalton: 13 (2 films)
- Brosnan: 29.5!!! (4 films)
- Craig: 22.5 (4 films, so far)

That's right, for now Pierce Brosnan is the deadliest Bond. Helped in no small part by Goldeneye, which grants Bond his highest single film body-count of 38! (and he blew up a whole Russian base before the opening credits too)

But Bond isn't just about callous murder. He's also about being a filthy little slut. Twenty four films in, Bond has hooked up with 57 different women, and he only put a ring on it once. He's also loves to wrestle with men, but in a definitely no homo way. Yup.

So which Bond bones most, on average?

- Connery (EON official): 2.5 sexes (6 films)
- Connery (total): 2.71 (7 films)
- Lazenby: 3 (1 film)
- Moore: 2.71 (7 films)
- Dalton: 2 (2 films)
- Brosnan: 2.5 (4 films)
- Craig: 1.5 (4 films, so far)

So there you have it, Roger Moore is our horniest Bond. Connery matches him exactly, but only when you add in the unofficial Never Say Never Again. Meanwhile Daniel Craig lags behind even Timothy Dalton, whose sexcapades where purposefully trimmed back because of the AIDS scare.

Most hookups in a film? Four is the record, hit three times.

Moore did it in A View to a Kill when he was 57.

Connery did it in From Russia With Love (with implied threesome) and again in Never Say Never Again (when he was 52)

But a special shout-out to Lazenby's Bond who, in his one outing, manages to sleep with two different women in a single night. Secret Agenting, it's a full-time job.

"My (54M) job is very demanding and my new girlfriend (24F) wants to tag along to get revenge for her parents' death. AITA?"

Congrats to For Your Eyes Only, the record holder for largest age gap, with 30 years separating Moore and Carole Bouquet (playing Melinda Havelock).

But let's look at age gap records for the other Bonds...

- Connery (EON official): Plenty O'Toole (Lana Wood) in Diamonds Are Forever - 16 years age difference

- Connery (total): Domino Petachi (Kim Basinger) in Never Say Never Again - 22 years difference

And a special shout-out to Honor Blackman (playing Pussy Galore) who was five years Connery's senior when they literally rolled in the hay in Goldfinger

Lazenby's outing produced discrepancies only Reddit's most online could get mad about.

Just five positively wholesome years separate Ruby Bartlett (Angela Scoular) from Bond and 31 year old Dame Diana Rigg (playing the Countess Tracy di Vicenzo) was Lazenby's senior by 2 years

Oh and then there's Moore. He's the record holder (see above) but things get pretty crazy throughout his era. Shout-out to Grace Jones (Mayday) who's "only" 20 years younger than Moore in A View to a Kill (which also provides her then boyfriend Dolph Lundgren his screen debut).

Timothy Dalton was already 41 when he started with the franchise and by License to Kill was 22 years older than Talisa Soto (playing Lupe Lamora, on right of photo, also features Carey Lowell, who was a mere 15 years Dalton's junior)

Brosnan was 49 years old by the time Die Another Day closed out his era. Meanwhile a 23 year old Rosamund Pike earned her feature film debut as Miranda Frost. That 26 year age gap is well in the range associated with the Moore era films.

As for Craig. The record is 19 years between him and Tonia Sotiropoulou, the unnamed woman Bond shacks up with while playing dead in Skyfall (alcoholism roolz!). But forcharacters with names, it's Strawberry Fields (Gemma Arterton), 18 years Craig's Junior in Quantum of Solace

And a shout-out to Monica Bellucci in Spectre who, at 51, reckons Craig is still worth a shot despite being four years her junior and murdering her husband.

And that's about it in this goofy round up. For Your Ears Only will return to @OptimismVaccine with No Time to Die...whenever that manages to come out.