Today in pulp: terrible TV Christmas annuals! The present that keeps on giving... #FridayFeeling

It's a very British tradition: every year every TV show that kids might watch issues a Christmas compendium hardback book.

These are normally knocked out under licence by generic publishing companies that a) never watched the shows, and b) don't really like kids.

Some TV annuals were heartbreak works of staggering beauty...

...and some weren't. *shudders*

Not all Christmas annuals were TV themed of course...

But they all contained the same essential Chrismas fare: ropey artwork, tedious fact files, terrible jokes and a crap board game.

So let's look back at some of the more, erm, unusual TV themed annuals that Santa (via your nan) left under the Chrstmas tree.

Don't thank me, it's what I do...

The Doctor Who Christmas annual artwork has long been a source of puzzlement to children. "Who's that weirdo on the cover?" kids would cry every 25 December. "Has he regenerated into the Child Catcher?" They'd then proceed to draw a nob on all the Daleks.

The 1980 Professionals annual.was a strangely romantic publication that featured the favourite recipes of Bodie and Doyle, in case they ever came round for dinner.

Spoilers: Bodie hates sprouts and Doyle can't get enough of them...

The 1974 Screen Test annual, featuring the show's famous catchphrase "and now from the Czechoslovakian Children's Film Foundation..."

Whatever you do DON'T THINK OF THE THEME TUNE! Otherwise it will be stuck in your head all week.

The 1982 BJ and the Bear annual. This is the authorised edition and I strongly advise you NOT to Google the words "bear" and "bj" if you are on a work computer.

The 15th Blue Peter book. Moving swiftly on...

The 1983 "CHiPs" annual. The cover artist has of course never seen Erik Estrada before. Or a car accident.

The Bill 1989 annual. Kids love a police procedural. Love it they do!

My rule of thumb for buying Bill annuals is simple: no Tosh, no dosh. D.I. Burnside is a poor replacement...

The 1983 Manimal annual. No child ever asked for this. No child ever recieved it. It was all just a fever dream caused by too much cough syrup...

The 1986 Dempsey and Makepeace annual. What can I say, it was better than C.A.T.S. Eyes!

Oh you forgot about C.A.T.S. Eyes did you? They didn't...

The 1979 Dick Barton Special Agent annual. This Southern Television remake - now available on @TalkingPicsTV - also inspired an excellent Ska song by The Hot Knives*: see what you think:   

(*ask your elderly stoner friends)

I could go on, but I think you get the gist - TV companies were mugging us off with rotten rubbish! This Christmas remember: it's the thought that counts, but the present matters too.

More pulp another day...