I had the weird experience in high school of going from pretty weird/awkward to charismatic/popular in about 6 months

The problem was I didn’t realize it was happening

I essentially didn’t believe anyone would be into me, and so I mishandled things badly

I definitely led a few girls on because I didn’t think I could really, you know, do that

Leading people on was for cool people

Not that I was entirely oblivious to the pleasures of attention, but that I used my self-ID as “uncool” to avoid *noticing* that that was going on

I also could never close

Everyone in my high school thought i was gay, because I was flirty and (it turned out) desirable and never pulled the trigger

But I was never sure what I was supposed to do! I faced a couple problems:
1) was Xian and didn’t want to just mess around

2) was 16 and DEFINITELY wanted to just mess around

3) ...but didn’t want to get a *reputation* for just messing around

4) I didn’t realize this at the time, but there weren’t many people at my high school who I fully clicked with, and I felt really bad about using people

One of the big learning curves of the past few years has been behaving in the world as though I am attractive

I originally calibrated my flirtatiousness around the assumption that I’d better be charismatic because no one would be into me otherwise

And so I was constantly just flirting with the whole damn world trying to compensate for my perceived unattractiveness

Problem: I am handsome, intelligent, funny, insightful, and successful

People like that *should not* flirt all the time

It looks like you’re insecure

Which, of course, I was

This is part of a larger pattern in my life: I am larger than life, and tend to be the most charismatic and intelligent person in any given room; and when I try to ignore that fact I do stupid stuff

Instead I’ve gotta just accept that stuff

I assume I’m smarter than everyone else, and therefore, far from being less patient, I’m much, much more patient

I know I’m attractive and so I’m warm and polite, not some PUA firehose flirter spraying everyone with my insecurities

One problem: when I meet someone who I expect to be smarter than me, I *do* get impatient with them

Not talking about my friends here (they *are* as smart as me), but, like, a consultant with a PhD or something

I get way more brusque and short and blunt with them

I have to literally go off and remind myself, “any idiot can get a PhD. You don’t need to have cognitive dissonance about this person. They are not as smart as you. Be kind to them.”

False humility is probably the greatest source of prideful action in the world

This thread prompted by this asexual 15 year old https://twitter.com/selentelechia/status/1329792865988272128