A few times I've attempted to reach out to the "gender critical" crowd.

It never seems to go anywhere.

I thought I was getting somewhere with Charlie Evans, and then she greatly disappointed me by reaffirming that she will never accept trans women as women.

A few others just never responded, or they seemed to be okay at first and understand - before at some random point blasting me with bigotry.

A couple seem more sensible and rational, or at least more polite and didn't attack me outright - but essentially came round to "agree to disagree" at most.

I'm not sure it's feasible to really reach any of them properly.

Obviously some are just too far gone no matter what, but a few I thought I could make them see the issues.

I have a lot less anger and hate for the ones who were willing to at least talk to me, more a sort of disappointment.

In the interests of fairness, I'll tag a few I've tried to reach out to and they can correct me if what I've said here is wrong.

To be fair, none of these people were actually openly bigoted - they all have "reasonable concerns" rather than violent hatred.

@DebbieHayton I've spoken to a few times, she's someone I actually feel a little sorry for because (sorry Debbie, I have to be blunt), I don't believe that deep down she truly sees herself as a man with a fetish.

The groups that Debbie has been involved with, they have said some awful things behind her back.

I understand that there was an issue regarding the toilets at a conference too, though I don't know the whole story so can't comment.

@charlie_sci struck me as far more reasonable than many of us would have thought.

A big name in the detrans movement of course, and I'll happily say that I personally believe detransitioners need and deserve support too.

I talked to Charlie a lot and even began to see her as a friend, I thought she had her heart in the right place overall.

But she really disappointed me by simply being unable to answer honestly when I asked if she'd ever accept a trans woman like me as a legitimate lesbian.

I'm married and have no desire to pursue anyone else.

If I was single I'd most likely end up with another trans lesbian.

But the attitude that the label "lesbian" is for cis women only is one I absolutely can not abide by.

Charlie: naturally, you are free to correct me

And just now, I tried to reach out to @SVPhillimore and got essentially zero response - I know she's online and active, and she has responded to other tweets of mine - but refuses to talk at all.

There's a load of "little people" I won't tag, and there's people like "Skepticat" who I used to follow here on Twitter before I came out and before I knew of her views.

I won't tag them, but I will address one other "big name".

@FionneOrlander is a fellow trans woman who is in much the same position as Debbie Hayton.

From what I've seen of her online, she's quite a pretty girl and passes really well.

But we all know how badly dysphoria can suck, making even small imperfections feel awful.

So Fionne setup a gofundme for FFS (Facial Feminisation Surgery), and I hear she raised what she needs and arranged the surgery.

This is something she feels she really needs to relieve facial dysphoria, and I'd never begrudge any trans person that desire. We all know that pain.

However, like Debbie, the groups she supports have a history of attacking her behind her back.

While many obviously donated money to her gofundme, many called her out for it and told others not to donate, talking about "woman face" etc.

Obviously I feel immense sympathy for a fellow trans woman who's targeted by such bigotry, and if Fionne and Debbie didn't both side with hate groups I'd happily welcome them both as sisters.

I hope that's possible some day, I really do.

But it's fruitless.

If you're reading this Debbie and Fionne, please know that if you decide to "switch sides" then I for one am happy to welcome you into the community.

I'm also always happy to talk in confidence to any trans woman who needs emotional support, and I will not disclose to others.

Last but not least, another person who claims to be trans, if you give me a moment to look up the information.

Scott Newgent is a trans man who regrets transition (or claims to) but is still living in a male role and hasn't taken any steps towards detransition.

He (I'm assuming male pronouns are acceptable, someone can correct me otherwise) had a phalloplasty that did not go well.

Now, phalloplasty is widely known to not be as advanced as vaginoplasty, complication rates are extremely high and the aesthetic result is also often inferior.

Many trans men choose not to get a phalloplasty due to this, which is a perfectly reasonable decision.

Phalloplasty using current methods requires a skin graft, usually from the arm. This leads to high risk of infection, under-perfusion of the surgically created penis etc (leading to awful issues like gangrene etc).

But it's still done by many, and some guys are happy.

There's also double mastectomy, which removes the breast tissue to help create a flatter masculine looking chest, and hysterectomy - which is sometimes medically necessary after a long time on testosterone (due to atrophy).

Now, mastectomy and hysterectomy are also major surgeries that should be undertaken only after the patient is fully informed of the risks and pros and cons etc.

And of course, there's also a risk of complications in ANY surgical procedure.

But, these two are generally safe.

For trans men with chest dysphoria, a double mastectomy can make a big difference to qualify of life - it means no binding needed for example.

But it's still a big decision.

The problem with Scott Newgent however is that he goes beyond the above issues.

He has been known to show gruesome images of surgical procedures and use them to try and scare people into agreeing with restricting or even banning trans healthcare.

Remember, ANY surgical procedure is bloody and gruesome - on top of that, most surgical procedures leave plenty of swelling so the aesthetic result just after an operation may well look awful.

There's also risks in any procedure, some quite scary - but on balance often worth it.

Scott is someone I won't reach out to for this reason.

His own transition had plenty of problems and medical complications, and it has obviously caused him a lot of pain and suffering.

BUT, instead of advocating for better care, he advocates for NO care.

Recently he's been bragging about working with the Catholic church to attack access to trans healthcare.

The stupidest part is, for surgery like mastectomy that can be avoided using puberty blockers.

Also, a lot of detrans women complain about the perceived damage done to their bodies by testosterone.

Of course, their symptoms are all too familiar to any dysphoric trans woman who had to go through male puberty.

I myself know how awful it is to be exposed to testosterone as a woman.

So do most trans women.

But the exact same symptoms in us are ignored, while the symptoms in detrans women who regretted transition are given sympathy.

So I won't try to reach out to people like Scott Newgent.

He wants the majority of trans women to suffer these symptoms, just to spare a minority or cis women.

We are not worth less.

Our suffering is no less than theirs.

Update: I've been contacted by Debbie Hayton, she's told me she essentially has no comment to make, if she changes her mind I've asked her to respond in public with her thoughts on all of this.

Otherwise, anything she tells me I'll keep in confidence unless she gives permission

By the way, I absolutely mean that: if anyone else wants to copy me by talking to people please respect their privacy.

Especially fellow trans people, regardless of ideological differences etc, never reveal personal information in public without consent

If not because of basic decency, at least for legal reasons.

But honestly, you shouldn't need the legal risks to make you do the right thing in this regard.

If another human being has suffered the horror of gender dysphoria, I can understand them

Hell, I could myself have actually "turned to the dark side" and tried to be "one of the good ones".

For years I actually had some pretty nasty internalised transphobia.

If I had done that, I'd hope that someone would slap sense into me of course.

Another brief update: Fionne Orlander has read this thread but currently wishes not to discuss it at all.

Naturally I'm respecting her wishes, if she changes her mind she can post here herself or tell me.