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I wanna remind anyone listening that polyamory isn’t cheating
However, there needs to be boundaries and LOTS of communication between you and your partner/primary. If you decide to seek out secondaries, whether that be multiple or just one, you and your partner really have to -
However, there needs to be boundaries and LOTS of communication between you and your partner/primary. If you decide to seek out secondaries, whether that be multiple or just one, you and your partner really have to -
- talk about it and everyone be on the same page. I’m not an expert on polyamory, I’m very new to it actually. I only just came out about a year ago now. But I have some experience now with dating outside of my marriage and it’s something that me and my wife both need to be okay-
- with. Poly can be very complex and complicated so you really need to be level with your partner and make sure you’re on the same page. You are no ones property, remember that, but if you’re in a relationship with someone and you are poly, they deserve to be treated with respect
And adding in another partner and they’re not okay with it, whether its the person themself or something about the person, is not okay. That’s when it becomes problematic and hurtful to the relationship.
I’ve dealt with this myself and it hurt me to the core to see my partner hurt the way they did. So I chose not to go through with it despite my feelings. Even the other person and I mutually agreed we wouldn’t do anything about it.
Tips for polyamory? Or tips for people who are figuring out they’re polyamory? Take it slow, my god. You’re young, you don’t have to have multiple partners right away. Learn what you want in a partner or partners and DATE. Don’t just jump into a relationship with someone.
Secondly, COMMUNICATION!!! If you’re already with someone and you’re seeking a secondary, communication is KEY to all of this. In my case, my partner would rather me be with someone or people we already know and trust and like. Instead of meeting people off dating apps and stuff
Thirdly, rules. I know this may sound stupid and harsh and restrictive, but there needs to be rules. You’re not someone’s property, but if your primary says they’re not okay with something you’re doing, you need to listen to them because their feelings matter.
And you could risk losing that relationship if rules aren’t followed. For example, I’m not allowed to have sex with any other partner in our bed, that is a sacred place for me and my primary partner. It’s our safe space. And it’s OUR place. No one else’s. This is an example of -
- a rule set in place that I follow. It’s not restrictive and I honor it and obey it. If you’re still here and want me to keep going or want more information on polyamory feel free to comment or send me a DM. I’m more than happy to answer any questions.
Since this got so much attention I wanna add to it! Polyamory is so complex that there could be times your primary could also want to be with your secondary, which is called a polycule. So everyone dates each other basically.
Polycules can be difficult and hard on all partners because someone may get jealous one person is getting more attention than the other. Or a number of problems could arise. Basically, polycules are the ultimate reason COMMUNICATION is so important in polyamory.
Another thing about polyamory I wanna talk about too is that sometimes your primary can get jealous that someone is giving you attention rather than them. It’s usually not malicious intent, but they are in fact your primary and your primary always comes first.
If they start to feel like they aren’t getting the attention they want things could get ugly. So make sure you’re still giving your primary lots of love too and making sure they know they’re cared about and loved. No one likes to feel alone.
When I say your primary comes first, I mean it, your primary comes first above your secondaries. If they are having a rough time, be there for them, console them, your secondary can wait and if your secondary cant understand that you need to have a conversation.
COMMUNICATION! COMMUNICATION! COMMUNICATION!
Polyamory is all about communication and I cannot stress that enough. When I went on my date with this girl I told my partner/primary all about it, and something even as small and intimate as a kiss you need to disclose.
Polyamory is all about communication and I cannot stress that enough. When I went on my date with this girl I told my partner/primary all about it, and something even as small and intimate as a kiss you need to disclose.
It’s intimacy with another person who is not your primary. And if you lie or leave it out of the story it could really upset them that you didn’t disclose that information. Because remember, your primary comes first.
For example, I was telling my partner about my date with this girl and she goes “you guys didn’t kiss?!” and I said we did and she got so excited for me. THAT’S how you know your communication is working. THAT’S how you know your relationship is strong enough to hold a poly -
- relationship. When your partner/primary gets excited for you for things that you’re excited about it makes it all better because you’re all on the same page and you’re literally rooting for your partners happiness.
