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For international men's day, I have a thread for you all, and I'm gonna start it with this fabulous photo of me in a cute cropped hoodie, and two pics of cool inspirational dudes who don't care about your norms.
First: masculinity is not a defined and confined concept. It is for you what you want it to be. If you want to have short hair, a beard, and chug beer - go for it. If you want to wear makeup and crops - awesome!
Nobody can tell you what is and isn't masculine. Shit is made up.
Nobody can tell you what is and isn't masculine. Shit is made up.
That said, people often DO try to trap men, and especially young boys, into thinking certain things make them more or less valuable as a man. That is TOXIC!
And it's toxic for two reasons:
1. It changes how an individual develops.
2. The "preferred" traits are often shitty.
And it's toxic for two reasons:
1. It changes how an individual develops.
2. The "preferred" traits are often shitty.
Traditional masculinity usually favors men who are independent, strong, hardworking, have dirt under their fingernails??, and make lots of money. None of those are particularly bad, but they become problematic when used as a weapon to force individual men into living differently.
If you are dependent, not the "bread winner," have painted nails instead of dirty ones, etc., you're just as valuable and worthy of love.
If people say you aren't "man enough," then they just have too narrow a perception of what it means to be manly. That's on them.
If people say you aren't "man enough," then they just have too narrow a perception of what it means to be manly. That's on them.
But the problem is, it's also on you. 
Traditionally, men aren't supposed to talk about their problems, they're just supposed to solve them or "get over it." That leads to mental health issues. But then we aren't supposed to talk about those, we're supposed to "man up"...
Traditionally, men aren't supposed to talk about their problems, they're just supposed to solve them or "get over it." That leads to mental health issues. But then we aren't supposed to talk about those, we're supposed to "man up"...
That shit just keeps compounding. And it's so toxic. Asking for help is stigmatized, so men often do nothing and tell nobody, which can be extremely deadly.
In 2018, men committed suicide 3.6 times more than women.
Something is clearly wrong with the way we present masculinity.
In 2018, men committed suicide 3.6 times more than women.
Something is clearly wrong with the way we present masculinity.
In 2018, white males accounted for SEVENTY PERCENT of suicides.
In 2017, suicide was the second-leading cause of death for men in the age range between birth and around 40.
If a 20something man dies, it's more likely to be suicide than any physical illness. That's insane.
In 2017, suicide was the second-leading cause of death for men in the age range between birth and around 40.
If a 20something man dies, it's more likely to be suicide than any physical illness. That's insane.
I've struggled with mental health for years. I have so many memories growing up of being bullied for being "different."
But I'm not even that different!! And especially growing up I legit conformed in almost every way.
So I can't even imagine what others have to go through.
But I'm not even that different!! And especially growing up I legit conformed in almost every way.
So I can't even imagine what others have to go through.
I played football, I ran track, I played baseball, etc.
I got in trouble for studying(???) and for breaking up fist fights between my friends.
Legit people stopped talking to me for weeks cus I STOPPED A FIGHT!
I was "weak and girly" for that somehow.
I got in trouble for studying(???) and for breaking up fist fights between my friends.
Legit people stopped talking to me for weeks cus I STOPPED A FIGHT!
I was "weak and girly" for that somehow.
I remember once being asked how I check my nails, "this way or that way."
I answered truthfully, and was told that's how girls check their nails. I panicked.
They asked me again two days later, I lied and said the other way, and got hit with the same response.
I answered truthfully, and was told that's how girls check their nails. I panicked.
They asked me again two days later, I lied and said the other way, and got hit with the same response.
Then I realized "only girls check their nails." And started questioning myself about if I was "boy enough" at the age of like 9 or 10.
Wtf that's so toxic.
Wtf that's so toxic.
One of my family friends and biggest mentors committed suicide last month. He was about 70, and was struggling with depression. I never knew. I had no idea.
This man saved my life, driving me to the hospital when my parents were out of town when I had appendicitis.
This man saved my life, driving me to the hospital when my parents were out of town when I had appendicitis.
This shit breaks my heart. He never told me, he never told anyone. Why are we made to sit and struggle with impossible standards all by ourselves?
Well we actually aren't, and thinking you have to is toxic and unfair to yourself.
Well we actually aren't, and thinking you have to is toxic and unfair to yourself.
Stop teaching young boys toxic traits. Stop teaching them certain shit is manly and other shit is girly. Stop shaming men for non-conforming personalities. Stop shaming men for asking for help. Stop contributing to toxic masculinity.
And don't expect that sharing a suicide hotline will save your friend. Instead, how about work to get close enough to the people you care about to be able to be vulnerable and caring. And work to STOP the continued teaching of toxic masculinity in our youth.
This was a long, disjointed thread, but basically: Men, just be yourself - whoever that is. And if you wanna wear makeup and a corset, do it. If you wanna wear a dress, rock that shit!
Also, this doesn't even come close to discussing all the ways masculinity is toxic, just that it is, and it affects men in really shitty ways.
Traditional masculinity is even more toxic and dangerous for women. So stop that shit.
Traditional masculinity is even more toxic and dangerous for women. So stop that shit.
Also, as a (former) Texan, I'm legally obligated to end this thread commanding everyone to start saying "yall" more. It's cool, efficient, and 
inclusive!!!
inclusive!!!
Also, put pronouns in your bio. It doesn't hurt. 
i'm he/him. But I'm also fabulous and someday I'm gonna buy some makeup and look even more fabulous and I'll still be he/him and ain't nothing yall can do to stop me!
In the year 2020 I define my own masculinity SO THERE!
i'm he/him. But I'm also fabulous and someday I'm gonna buy some makeup and look even more fabulous and I'll still be he/him and ain't nothing yall can do to stop me! In the year 2020 I define my own masculinity SO THERE!
