Read on Twitter
The UX of Masculinity:
A couple days after my birthday I felt a heavy sense of anxiety and pressure, it wasn't caused by anybody but myself. It was the dawning consciousness of 'becoming a man'. Not just on my own but with say a Family. I kept on checking myself to know if...
A couple days after my birthday I felt a heavy sense of anxiety and pressure, it wasn't caused by anybody but myself. It was the dawning consciousness of 'becoming a man'. Not just on my own but with say a Family. I kept on checking myself to know if...
...I was 'ready' or at the stage of taking control and be all I had to be at this new 'phase' of life. This thought heavily weighed on my mood and the worst part was that I felt the need to resolve it by myself, an unhealthy urge/duty to solve the wrangling within - alone.
It is very unlike me, and I didn't get it. After about a week, I had an outing with the Loml and I unbundled it all to her. As we spoke she said made some statements that made me realise what made me sad.
A lot of times, We think we are free from the pressures of society but...
A lot of times, We think we are free from the pressures of society but...
...it is not true. The toxic ideologies of the previous generation will not evaporate into thin air.
'Train up a child, in a way that He should grow, and when He grows He will not depart from it' also applies to dangerous expectations in our socialisation process.
'Train up a child, in a way that He should grow, and when He grows He will not depart from it' also applies to dangerous expectations in our socialisation process.
Toxic masculinity is also self regulated, we have been taught to be toxic and it takes more than just self unlearning and relearning to win this battle, it takes an environment that supports you.
The thing around our neck was put by society, and is maintained by everything.
The thing around our neck was put by society, and is maintained by everything.
My conversation with Her made me realise I was plan a future phase of life while processing the whole responsibility of it on my head. I was planning a future for two, on my shoulders. The simple statement of 'you're not going life alone' snapped me out of it so quickly.
I've never really assessed myself at any point in time, but at this point I felt the weigh and it was terrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I'm blessed to have someone that will tell me 'You're not alone'.
Although, I'm blessed to have someone that cushions this expectation programmed in our subconscious, it doesn't negate the fact that societal standards judges a man by his ability to provide, his functionality and his possessions.
This is very sad because it deeply weighs on the confidence of a lot of guys. No one speaks of it, but everyone is aware of it. It's subtle but strong.
The brand of masculinity we have isn't only toxic to women, its also toxic to men.
The brand of masculinity we have isn't only toxic to women, its also toxic to men.
I've concluded that societal expectations are trash, from the role with a small box that's suffocating, to the role with a massive space that keeps the gender empty until He has enough to boast of. It is all very flawed and caters for no one in truth.
From one end to the other it looks rosy but the user experience is utterly trash, nothing is set up to make you happy. You're either enslaved to duty, or enslaved to society, I really hope we see it clearly that we are all in chains, and only we can set ourselves free - indeed.
So Happy Men's Day to all men everywhere, I pray you don't find your worth in your use or function, I pray you find the outlet that let's you breathe out toxicity that was pumped into your system as a boy, I wish you meet people that value you when you have less or even none.
I pray for a better reality for you and the boys that come after you. I pray you find happiness, not one fuelled by ego of possession but a genuine calmness and peace that comes from being accepted for who you are. I wish you expression, expression of emotions - love and joy!
I pray you scream and laugh loudly, I pray you break the iceblocks that keep your heart cold and only dutiful, I pray you find value in your existence and not your functionality - that no bank account balance will be the foundation of your confidence or worth.
I pray you find love, love that watches you fly and cheers, love that sees value in you as a partner and not a foe. I pray you find rest in the bosom of someone that protects, provides and cares for you just like you care for them.
Here you go...
Kings
Here you go...
Kings
